Loved it, loved it, loved it. The emotion and characterisation was brilliant and it fit perfectly into Season 3.
Awww! So sweet! I love it!
Yay! That was a lovely ending. Very cute story! ;)
Another nice chapter!
I' am SOOOOO curious!!!!!!!! I wanna know, what Lizzie is about to say! Please update soon. I really like this story :)
great chapter!!! please don't keep us in suspense too long!
Love this story! Will be waiting for more.. You do offworld stuff a lot better than I could!
Author's Response: Oh, I don't know about that. I've been reading Letters and I am loving it!
Cool chapter. Glad John's ok. I really want to know what Elizabeth's gonna say! Update quick!
congratulations on your engagement! i was disappointed too with the end of season 3. what's going to happen???? anyway, great writing! keep it up!
Very nice. Good interaction with the characters. Hope you update ASAP! :)
terrific! i love the part where they take shots for each other!
interesting! please keep going!
oh a plan! There are a couple grammar things. Please consider getting a beta?
Oh, self-sacrifical John is always sweet. I hope Elizabeth gets to save him!
Taking a page of Ronon's book is nice. :) well done John.
Words in your head is a good way to start. I usually find myself hearing what's going on instead of seeing it. I try to force myself to remember there are five sense, not just one. It's important to hear the dialogue, but at the same time you can taste adrenaline. Feel the tighteness in your chest, smell the stale air in the cell and see little details that bring life to a story.
I hope you understand I'm not picking on you. I just think if you're going to tell a story, you should do it so no one else could possibly tell it as well as you can, or in the same way.
Wow! This story is amazing. I can't wait to hear Elizabeth's plan. :)
That is soo sad. John is so sweet in this. And you make the characters seem so real. Fantastic chapter.
wow! you're really good at making the story suspenseful. i love it!
Author's Response: Suspenseful is what I was going for- glad you think so...^_^ I love it too!
Good chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks mew!
OMG!
I can't wait to read more of this!
Author's Response: Thank you...you now have more...^_^
Whats going on? I have to know...please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Very nice chapter. Looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: Thank you!
good storyline! very intriguing! keep it up!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it...^_^ I most definitly will keep it up.
Your grammar is all right. Your characters are a thin, but decent. You need depth. You're a promising writer, because you have a solid skeleton you just need to work on provoking an emotional response. Right now all of your stories are rather dry. Things happen, people react, but nothing is really fleshed out.
Work on the senses to bring life to your stories. Show what's going on instead of telling us.
For example,
“And you wouldn’t need weapons, would you?” Elizabeth asked, praying that they’d say no because she didn’t like trading weapons.
Elizabeth would be morally against trading weapons. Her background before Atlantis was in negotiating against the proliferation of most weapons. Go beyond dislike.
“And what would that be?” Elizabeth asked, trying to asses the situation with the warning bells getting louder.
Explain that her hands were sweating. Her stomach tightened. Elizabeth's lips get thin when she's apprehensive when you watch the show.
Elaborate. Think deeper about your characters and how you describe them and I think you'll be a great writer someday.
Author's Response: Thank you for the honest critique....I'll work on it.
OMG! Please update soon! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: You'll have an update tomorrow Steph, don't you worry. ^_^ I'm glad that you can't wait though. ^_^