Stars by shannyfish
Author's Chapter Notes: Opal poked me much when she was here…so here…the story plot is being revived…
2006 ~ Atlantis Infirmary
Color. It was something that she missed. The only forms of color she really saw were white and grey… She hated those colors. She longed for green and blues and pinks… But color wasn’t the only thing that she longed for. Being isolated inside and kept from the outside world felt like it was killing her faster. There were so many things she missed about being able to go outside… The plant life, ocean, and sky were at the top of her list.
The stars…
She really missed the stars… The ocean, she had at least worked herself up to thinking she could hear when she cupped her hand to her ear, but she hadn’t managed to recreate the stars… Bringing stars to the grey world of the infirmary was something that Lily had yet to master. She hated it there, and yet…it was where she was bound to stay until she died… And she knew she would die there…
She almost wished that she’d just die in her sleep one day…
Carson and John Beckett had tried so many times to be positive for her sake, and she knew that, but Lily ultimately knew the truth. At the tender age of sixteen, she was going to die. Without experiencing life…love…family…she was going to be taken from her current state of existence. But what existence lay wait for her? Was there one? It was a question she was still struggling with. She still had time though…not much…but there was still some.
Helplessness was something that filled her soul everyday. There was nothing she could do for anyone to make anything better… She couldn’t even get John to smile anymore…and she missed her best friend’s smile. Lily watched as he slept with his head on her bed. Ever since Carson had upped her condition to a more critical state, John hadn’t left her side for more than five minutes. Mostly, when they were both awake, they’d just be there in silence, but in each other’s company. It was an odd existence, but it was one that they both understood. They understood each other, and the silence might as well have been words… Lily could read every line on his face, and she knew what they faced… She feared for him. What would happen to him when she was gone? Would he blame himself? Would he move on?
Would he be okay?
Listening to him breathe was soothing and she felt almost like she could sleep… But as she eased down in the bed, she noticed him starting to stir and his eye lids lifting. She rolled to her side to get a better position. It was more comfortable, and since Carson wasn’t around…she doubted he’d come around and put her to rest on her back. For some reason he said that it was better that she lay that way, but she felt uncomfortable like that. “Sleepy head…you need to sleep in a bed,” she whispered.
The voice he heard didn’t seem familiar, but when his eyes opened completely he saw Lily there…and he knew it had been her voice. The voice he had once been so used to hearing had changed… But her voice wasn’t the only thing that had changed… Lily had completely weakened. Her skin was far paler than he could remember, and the dark circles around her eyes made her green eyes sink into her face. Those eyes that he had remembered as sparkling had dulled and looked grey… He felt like he had lost Lily already… It was hard just looking at her. She was so sick…and he was losing hope… Everything they tried…failed. “I’m fine,” John told her and reached out to stroke her hair. “I should go and check on the results of the last test,” he told her as he rubbed his face trying to chase the sleep away. He had been hardly sleeping, but he was feeling like he was getting used to it.
“Don’t worry about the results,” she whispered. She knew that they were the same…or worse than before. Lily was ready for them to stop trying to help her…it took too much out of John and he was far too emotionally set on saving her. “Sleep.”
John shifted in the chair and let out a small yawn. “I’ll sleep…if you sleep…” he tried to deal. Lily hadn’t been sleeping much at all, and he could only think that she was in pain and not telling them when they asked.
“I’ll sleep…”
“I’ll go when you’re asleep,” he told her.
Lily pressed her lips together to form the closest thing to a smile for him. She closed her eyes, and told her body it was okay to sleep. It was easier to stay awake… But she figured it would be alright to sleep for a while, maybe the pain would stop ebbing at her.
He watched as her body slowly relaxed and then he let out a sigh and looked up to see Lily’s father standing there. “You never come when she’s awake,” John Beckett said.
Sheppard nodded, it was far too hard for him to see her in such a weakened state. Before, he would come and hang out, but ever since she’d become more and more close to death he had pulled back. He had been trying to desperately trying to keep from growing an emotional attachment to the girl. Elizabeth had, and John had watched how it tore her up everyday… He had seen death before, but this was his daughter…as much as he didn’t want to believe it. Lillian Sheppard was his own flesh and blood. She was dying and there was nothing he could do to save her… “She’s worse today,” he noted. He’d hide behind the curtain sometimes and just listen. Sometimes he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to look at her, but the thought of her not being there tomorrow had forced him today.
“My dad said that he was going to try to come up with new therapy ideas… The last one we really thought was going to work, but her body’s so weak now, it just seems to reject everything.”
Sheppard walked closer and sat in the chair opposite John Beckett. He reached out and took Lily’s hand. It was a small gesture to show he was there, but John felt it was needed. “We’re going on a mission tomorrow…the culture looks like it might be quite advanced… We could find some help there possibly.”
“Our Ancient Grandfather couldn’t cure Lily, aren’t they the most advanced culture in the universe?” Beckett asked.
“She’s gonna be okay,” he tried to assure the boy. He added quietly to himself, “She has to be.”
*~*~*
2006 ~ Carson's Office
Carson paced his office trying to figure out the wording he should use to explain the fact that what possible treatments he was left with weren’t especially hopeful. Elizabeth would talk to him everyday about Lily’s condition and if there was any change. It was the part of the day that he most hated. The look on Elizabeth’s face always made him feel like he was failing as a doctor. Lily had so much faith in him, too, and perhaps that was why it hurt so much.
“Carson, I’m sorry that I’m late…” Elizabeth apologized as she walked into his office. “I was caught up in a debriefing with Major Lorne, and Colonel Caldwell stopped me in the hall and I kept trying to get away…”
“It’s alright, Elizabeth,” he told her motioning to the chair for her to sit in before taking a seat in his own. “She’s not improved… She’s very close now,” he tried to say as gently as possible. He could see the pain and fear in Elizabeth’s eyes and wished he had better news.
She blinked her eyes, forcing the tears that threatened to fall to stay at bay. “There has to be something more we can do… Maybe I can do something…” Elizabeth tried.
“It’s not like she needs a kidney,” Carson said quickly. “I might have come up with a new therapy, but likely if her body accepts it…it won’t last for long. Elizabeth, if you and John had a child now…not Lily…but a child that was both of yours…I might be able to use the DNA to figure out what the virus is attaching to genetically. I’ve tried to put your and John’s DNA strands together artificially, but the markers don’t line up enough to closely match Lily’s. That is the only other possible treatment I have thought of…but that won’t likely work.”
“A child?” Elizabeth took in and looked down. She hadn’t thought of having a child at her current time in life, but Lily had made her want to be a mother. Even though she seemed standoffish, Elizabeth still felt a strong connection.
“Aye,” Carson said and nodded, “But, Elizabeth…I don’t know what other way to go about this…”
If she had a child… Elizabeth’s mind popped with an idea, but then she wondered if it would work. Lily was already so sick… There wasn’t just the fact that there wasn’t much time, but the fact that she would need to convince… “How long does she have, Carson?” she finally asked.
“Couple weeks…maybe a month now,” Carson responded sadly. It hadn’t been a full year yet, as he had previously said she had, but her condition had rapidly deteriorated her and had sucked much of that time from her.
“So,” Elizabeth said. “Even if I were pregnant, there wouldn’t be enough time…” She dropped her head to her hand and rubbed her temples. She didn’t want to loose Lily…and Aubrey had insisted to her before that they may not be able to stop things from happening without Lily.
Carson tilted his head and studied her, “You’re not…are you?” he asked and then thought back to her last exam and thought that maybe she thought she was… He hadn’t seen Elizabeth for an exam for a while now…
“No,” she said a bit sadly. “But if I were…”
“Not unless we could stop time in the infirmary…”
Elizabeth looked over at him, “What about the chamber? Where my alternate was?”
*~*~*
TBC…
Color. It was something that she missed. The only forms of color she really saw were white and grey… She hated those colors. She longed for green and blues and pinks… But color wasn’t the only thing that she longed for. Being isolated inside and kept from the outside world felt like it was killing her faster. There were so many things she missed about being able to go outside… The plant life, ocean, and sky were at the top of her list.
The stars…
She really missed the stars… The ocean, she had at least worked herself up to thinking she could hear when she cupped her hand to her ear, but she hadn’t managed to recreate the stars… Bringing stars to the grey world of the infirmary was something that Lily had yet to master. She hated it there, and yet…it was where she was bound to stay until she died… And she knew she would die there…
She almost wished that she’d just die in her sleep one day…
Carson and John Beckett had tried so many times to be positive for her sake, and she knew that, but Lily ultimately knew the truth. At the tender age of sixteen, she was going to die. Without experiencing life…love…family…she was going to be taken from her current state of existence. But what existence lay wait for her? Was there one? It was a question she was still struggling with. She still had time though…not much…but there was still some.
Helplessness was something that filled her soul everyday. There was nothing she could do for anyone to make anything better… She couldn’t even get John to smile anymore…and she missed her best friend’s smile. Lily watched as he slept with his head on her bed. Ever since Carson had upped her condition to a more critical state, John hadn’t left her side for more than five minutes. Mostly, when they were both awake, they’d just be there in silence, but in each other’s company. It was an odd existence, but it was one that they both understood. They understood each other, and the silence might as well have been words… Lily could read every line on his face, and she knew what they faced… She feared for him. What would happen to him when she was gone? Would he blame himself? Would he move on?
Would he be okay?
Listening to him breathe was soothing and she felt almost like she could sleep… But as she eased down in the bed, she noticed him starting to stir and his eye lids lifting. She rolled to her side to get a better position. It was more comfortable, and since Carson wasn’t around…she doubted he’d come around and put her to rest on her back. For some reason he said that it was better that she lay that way, but she felt uncomfortable like that. “Sleepy head…you need to sleep in a bed,” she whispered.
The voice he heard didn’t seem familiar, but when his eyes opened completely he saw Lily there…and he knew it had been her voice. The voice he had once been so used to hearing had changed… But her voice wasn’t the only thing that had changed… Lily had completely weakened. Her skin was far paler than he could remember, and the dark circles around her eyes made her green eyes sink into her face. Those eyes that he had remembered as sparkling had dulled and looked grey… He felt like he had lost Lily already… It was hard just looking at her. She was so sick…and he was losing hope… Everything they tried…failed. “I’m fine,” John told her and reached out to stroke her hair. “I should go and check on the results of the last test,” he told her as he rubbed his face trying to chase the sleep away. He had been hardly sleeping, but he was feeling like he was getting used to it.
“Don’t worry about the results,” she whispered. She knew that they were the same…or worse than before. Lily was ready for them to stop trying to help her…it took too much out of John and he was far too emotionally set on saving her. “Sleep.”
John shifted in the chair and let out a small yawn. “I’ll sleep…if you sleep…” he tried to deal. Lily hadn’t been sleeping much at all, and he could only think that she was in pain and not telling them when they asked.
“I’ll sleep…”
“I’ll go when you’re asleep,” he told her.
Lily pressed her lips together to form the closest thing to a smile for him. She closed her eyes, and told her body it was okay to sleep. It was easier to stay awake… But she figured it would be alright to sleep for a while, maybe the pain would stop ebbing at her.
He watched as her body slowly relaxed and then he let out a sigh and looked up to see Lily’s father standing there. “You never come when she’s awake,” John Beckett said.
Sheppard nodded, it was far too hard for him to see her in such a weakened state. Before, he would come and hang out, but ever since she’d become more and more close to death he had pulled back. He had been trying to desperately trying to keep from growing an emotional attachment to the girl. Elizabeth had, and John had watched how it tore her up everyday… He had seen death before, but this was his daughter…as much as he didn’t want to believe it. Lillian Sheppard was his own flesh and blood. She was dying and there was nothing he could do to save her… “She’s worse today,” he noted. He’d hide behind the curtain sometimes and just listen. Sometimes he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to look at her, but the thought of her not being there tomorrow had forced him today.
“My dad said that he was going to try to come up with new therapy ideas… The last one we really thought was going to work, but her body’s so weak now, it just seems to reject everything.”
Sheppard walked closer and sat in the chair opposite John Beckett. He reached out and took Lily’s hand. It was a small gesture to show he was there, but John felt it was needed. “We’re going on a mission tomorrow…the culture looks like it might be quite advanced… We could find some help there possibly.”
“Our Ancient Grandfather couldn’t cure Lily, aren’t they the most advanced culture in the universe?” Beckett asked.
“She’s gonna be okay,” he tried to assure the boy. He added quietly to himself, “She has to be.”
*~*~*
2006 ~ Carson's Office
Carson paced his office trying to figure out the wording he should use to explain the fact that what possible treatments he was left with weren’t especially hopeful. Elizabeth would talk to him everyday about Lily’s condition and if there was any change. It was the part of the day that he most hated. The look on Elizabeth’s face always made him feel like he was failing as a doctor. Lily had so much faith in him, too, and perhaps that was why it hurt so much.
“Carson, I’m sorry that I’m late…” Elizabeth apologized as she walked into his office. “I was caught up in a debriefing with Major Lorne, and Colonel Caldwell stopped me in the hall and I kept trying to get away…”
“It’s alright, Elizabeth,” he told her motioning to the chair for her to sit in before taking a seat in his own. “She’s not improved… She’s very close now,” he tried to say as gently as possible. He could see the pain and fear in Elizabeth’s eyes and wished he had better news.
She blinked her eyes, forcing the tears that threatened to fall to stay at bay. “There has to be something more we can do… Maybe I can do something…” Elizabeth tried.
“It’s not like she needs a kidney,” Carson said quickly. “I might have come up with a new therapy, but likely if her body accepts it…it won’t last for long. Elizabeth, if you and John had a child now…not Lily…but a child that was both of yours…I might be able to use the DNA to figure out what the virus is attaching to genetically. I’ve tried to put your and John’s DNA strands together artificially, but the markers don’t line up enough to closely match Lily’s. That is the only other possible treatment I have thought of…but that won’t likely work.”
“A child?” Elizabeth took in and looked down. She hadn’t thought of having a child at her current time in life, but Lily had made her want to be a mother. Even though she seemed standoffish, Elizabeth still felt a strong connection.
“Aye,” Carson said and nodded, “But, Elizabeth…I don’t know what other way to go about this…”
If she had a child… Elizabeth’s mind popped with an idea, but then she wondered if it would work. Lily was already so sick… There wasn’t just the fact that there wasn’t much time, but the fact that she would need to convince… “How long does she have, Carson?” she finally asked.
“Couple weeks…maybe a month now,” Carson responded sadly. It hadn’t been a full year yet, as he had previously said she had, but her condition had rapidly deteriorated her and had sucked much of that time from her.
“So,” Elizabeth said. “Even if I were pregnant, there wouldn’t be enough time…” She dropped her head to her hand and rubbed her temples. She didn’t want to loose Lily…and Aubrey had insisted to her before that they may not be able to stop things from happening without Lily.
Carson tilted his head and studied her, “You’re not…are you?” he asked and then thought back to her last exam and thought that maybe she thought she was… He hadn’t seen Elizabeth for an exam for a while now…
“No,” she said a bit sadly. “But if I were…”
“Not unless we could stop time in the infirmary…”
Elizabeth looked over at him, “What about the chamber? Where my alternate was?”
*~*~*
TBC…