Author's Chapter Notes: John is visited by his friends.
Dreaded Day – Part 8 – Mementos
By Kris Russel
John had only just returned from storage with the box containing his personal items when the chime rang.
“Enter.” He called to the door as he opened the box and stared inside. He knew he had never been a collector and never let himself be attached to material things, but this was ridiculous. Besides his few civilian clothes, there was barely anything inside. So either his friends had taken everything with them or he really barely owned anything. He opted for the latter.
“It is good to see you again.”
John turned and smiled at Teyla. “Likewise.”
“Dr. Weir told us to bring your belongings back.” She said and presented him his Banto sticks. They had been a gift from her after the first time he beat her in their sparring sessions. Although he was still sure she let him win as it had been the only one he’d won so far.
“Thank you.” He said as he took the sticks from her. “Are we on for tomorrow?”
“If you think you are up to it.”
“Of course. I got the miracle Wraith treatment. I’ll be just fine.”
Teyla gave him a slight nod. “Then I will see you tomorrow at the usual time.”
“Definitely.” He agreed and watched her leave.
A few minutes later he was hanging his clothes in the closet when the chime rang again.
“Come on in.” He called as he slowly continued his work.
“Hey man.”
“Ronon.” John smiled.
“Good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back.”
“Here.” He said as he handed the DVD over to his friend. “Weir told us to get you your stuff back.”
“I told her it wasn’t important. But thanks. Did you watch it?” John asked while putting the movie back in its old spot.
“We all did.” Ronon admitted.
John raised his eyesbrows. “How do you mean?”
“The day we emptied your quarters and I found the movie, we decided to watch it together that night.”
John was touched by that. His friends had known this had been his favorite movie and they had watched it together. But he swallowed his feelings away and smiled at the large warrior in front of him.
“Did you like it?”
Ronon shrugged. “It wasn’t bad. But I still think you people have weird ways to entertain yourselves.”
John laughed at that. “I won’t deny that my friend. I won’t deny that.”
Ronon gave him a slight grin but it soon disappeared again. “I have to get going. My shift to guard the Wraith is starting soon.”
“Have fun with that.”
The Satedan huffed. “I’d kill them if it was up to me, but Weir would have my hide.”
“Yeah, you don’t want to have her on your bad side.”John smiled.
“Very true. That’s why I’m off right now, before her wrath gets released when I’m late for duty.”
John laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “Alright man, see you later.”
Ronon nodded and bid John goodnight before walking out of the room.
It didn’t take him long to empty the box and now he was lying on his bed, feeling bored. It suddenly dawned on him that his book was missing and then he remembered the picture he used as booklet indicator.
“Crap, I hope she didn’t see it.” He mumbled as he instantly sat up. “Maybe Carson saw it before she did and took it. Yeah... of course. Carson would never let her look at it.” He tried to reassure himself. “But then again he didn’t know it was in the book. Crap.” That picture was proof he cared more for her than mere friendship allowed... a lot more. If she had seen it, she would instantly know how he really felt about her. He wanted her to know, but not like that. He wasn’t even sure if he was really ready to open up to her yet. He had been carefully hiding his feelings for so long now and he wasn’t sure how to handle them if he allowed them to surface. Burying his head in his hands, he groaned.
“I need fresh air.” He mumbled and got off the bed.
As he walked to the door, he was startled by the chime that rang seconds before he wanted to open the door.
Slightly cocking his head, he opened the door, surprising the two people who were standing outside.
“That was fast.” McKay said as he pushed his way past the soldier.
“I think they call it timing.” Carson joked as he walked inside behind the scientist.
“Why don’t you come in.” John rolled his eyes, but smiled at his two friends.
“Well, here you go.” McKay began as he handed the framed picture back to John. “I didn’t know what else to take.”
“Thank you.” John smiled and put the picture back on his desk.
“I took this.” Carson said.
“My Johnny Cash poster!” John exclaimed and smiled. “Carson, I didn’t know you were a fan.”
“I’m really not, but it meant a lot to you.”
John nodded. He understood it perfectly well.
“So, how’s it going with the Wraith and the retrovirus?”
“We’ve only been at it for a couple of hours but there is some progress.” McKay started, but John turned to Carson.
“Carson?”
“We’re stuck. Completely and utterly stuck.” The doctor admitted.
“We are not.” McKay said indignantly. “I’ll get us unstuck.”
“I thought you just said you weren’t stuck.” John grinned.
McKay huffed. “You know what I mean. I really should be getting back now.” With that he walked out of John’s room.
“I better go after him.” Carson smiled at the Colonel and then turned towards the door.
“Carson, hang on.” John called after him.
“What is it, lad?” He asked and turned back to face John.
“My book... did Elizabeth take it?”
“Aye, she did.” Carson nodded.
“Did she...” John began and Carson nodded again.
“Aye, she found the photo.”
John mentally cursed. “How did she react to it?”
“Let’s just say she didn’t take the news of your death very well.” Carson said and saw a flicker of hope in John’s eyes. But the hope was quickly replaced by regret.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We’re all very glad you made it back in one piece.”
“Yes... but this was too close. Way to close.”
“Aye, like I said before, we really thought we had lost you this time.”
John nodded. “Do you know where Elizabeth is right now?”
Carson looked at his watch. “Knowing her, even though the dayshift ended nearly three hours ago, she’s in her office.”
“Good point.” John gave his friend a weak smile. “I should probably go talk to her, shouldn’t I?”
“Aye, lad. You should.” Carson agreed and then left the room.
John stared at the closed door for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. He still wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront Elizabeth, especially not now that she knew how he felt about her. Nothing forbid them to be in a relationship, but he knew they would be frowned upon anyway. Not by the people in Atlantis, but by their superiors back on Earth. The IOA had been looking for a reason to replace her and he didn’t want their feelings to be that reason.
He also knew that if he gave his feelings for her breathing room, he wouldn’t be able to live without her anymore. He could barely live without her as it was. And he could barely imagine what she had been through after she thought he was dead.
Letting out a deep breath, he knew he had to talk to her. No matter what the consequences were. His near-death had made him realize that life was too short and that it was barely worth living without her being a very important part of it.
A resolution he had never felt before settled in him as he left his quarters.
He wasn’t surprised when he saw her sitting at her desk, fully focused on her work. What he didn’t know was that she actually really wasn’t focusing on her work. She had been completely distracted ever since she had heard his voice over the radio. Right now she was just staring at her screen, scrolling along words she didn’t register. He was invading her mind again. It all still felt like a dream; his resurrection, the Wraith in the city...
She nearly jumped off her chair when someone knocked on her door.
Looking up, the first second she was convinced she was dreaming when she saw his face, sporting a small grin. But the events of the day quickly invaded her mind again and she felt an incredible sense of relief wash through her. It was really him standing in the doorway. He was alive.
“Hey, do you have a few moments?” He asked, not leaving his spot by the door.
“Sure, come on in.” She answered.
Turning to look at the techs that were staring at them from the control room, he shook his head. “I’d like to talk somewhere more private.”
She swallowed and felt her heart speed up. “Uh, sure... lead the way.”
It didn’t surprise her at all when he let her to the balcony outside of the gateroom. Somehow it had become their balcony and even though it wasn’t the most private spot in Atlantis, whenever the two of them were on there together, no one came to join or disturb them. And it sure was a lot more private than her glass-walled office, especially now that it was dark outside.
“I’m glad you’re back.” She started after he stayed quiet for a few moments.
“I’ve heard that a lot today.” He said, staring over the dark city.
“A lot of people missed you.” She wanted to add that she had missed him, but held back, not sure if she was really ready for the next step.
“Anyone in particular?” He tried as he turned to face her.
She averted her eyes from him and stared at the city surrounding them.
“Carson told me you took my book as a memento.”
Elizabeth nodded, knowing that if she would talk now, her feelings would be fully revealed in her voice.
“I’m also still missing one of my dog tags.”
She turned towards him and reached within the pocket above her heart. Drawing out the dog tag, she presented it to him.
Instead of taking it from her, he revealed the dog tag he still owned and hung it over his shirt. Keeping his hands behind his back, he waited for her to act.
She stared at him for a few silent moments. When he started thinking she wouldn’t move anymore, her hands slowly traveled up to his chest where she gently took his dog tag between her fingers. She let her fingers roam over the letters and he was surprised as he saw a single silent tear make its way down her cheek. Softly he brushed his thumb over her cheek to wipe away the wetness.
“Don’t ever do this to me again.” She whispered barely audible as she slowly opened the chain and let the dog tag slide over it.
“You know I can’t make a promise like that.” He said just as softly while his hand now fully cupped her cheek.
“I don’t know if I can survive it again.” Another tear made its way down her cheek which he gently wiped away.
Her hands stayed on his chest and he was certain she could feel his out of control heartbeat.
“You’re stronger than any woman I have ever met.” He whispered as his other hand slowly settled on her hip.
She could feel being drawn in by him but she wanted to fight it… wanted to run away as far as possible. She never wanted to feel herself so broken hearted again when he had another brush with death. But she couldn’t run away… she couldn’t even walk away. She had dreamed of this moment for too long. Longed for it too much after she thought he had died. She loved him too much to walk away and that scared her more than anything ever before had.
Swallowing, she let her hands travel from his chest to his back and she drew herself nearer to him, nestling her face in the crook of his neck.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He was holding her… she was real… he was home…
Elizabeth heard his heart beat rapidly when she put her ear against his chest. He really was alive and holding her like his life depended on it. She realized he probably needed the same physical confirmation of being alive as she did.
“I can’t promise I will never die.” He whispered in her ear. “But I can promise to be there for you for as long as I can.” He sealed that promise with a soft kiss against her temple.
She sighed in his neck and the warm breath against his skin gave him goosebumps all over his back. It was another proof that she was real and he held her even closer.
“If it was up to me, I’d stay with you forever.” He breathed in her ear which made her shiver in delight.
“I know.” She replied barely audible. “So would I.”
He closed his eyes and fully focused on her. Her breathing, her body, her scent… there was only her and nothing else mattered right now. The Wraith could be fully attacking the city right now and he wouldn’t even notice… wouldn’t even care.
Right now there was only her…
TBC
By Kris Russel
John had only just returned from storage with the box containing his personal items when the chime rang.
“Enter.” He called to the door as he opened the box and stared inside. He knew he had never been a collector and never let himself be attached to material things, but this was ridiculous. Besides his few civilian clothes, there was barely anything inside. So either his friends had taken everything with them or he really barely owned anything. He opted for the latter.
“It is good to see you again.”
John turned and smiled at Teyla. “Likewise.”
“Dr. Weir told us to bring your belongings back.” She said and presented him his Banto sticks. They had been a gift from her after the first time he beat her in their sparring sessions. Although he was still sure she let him win as it had been the only one he’d won so far.
“Thank you.” He said as he took the sticks from her. “Are we on for tomorrow?”
“If you think you are up to it.”
“Of course. I got the miracle Wraith treatment. I’ll be just fine.”
Teyla gave him a slight nod. “Then I will see you tomorrow at the usual time.”
“Definitely.” He agreed and watched her leave.
A few minutes later he was hanging his clothes in the closet when the chime rang again.
“Come on in.” He called as he slowly continued his work.
“Hey man.”
“Ronon.” John smiled.
“Good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back.”
“Here.” He said as he handed the DVD over to his friend. “Weir told us to get you your stuff back.”
“I told her it wasn’t important. But thanks. Did you watch it?” John asked while putting the movie back in its old spot.
“We all did.” Ronon admitted.
John raised his eyesbrows. “How do you mean?”
“The day we emptied your quarters and I found the movie, we decided to watch it together that night.”
John was touched by that. His friends had known this had been his favorite movie and they had watched it together. But he swallowed his feelings away and smiled at the large warrior in front of him.
“Did you like it?”
Ronon shrugged. “It wasn’t bad. But I still think you people have weird ways to entertain yourselves.”
John laughed at that. “I won’t deny that my friend. I won’t deny that.”
Ronon gave him a slight grin but it soon disappeared again. “I have to get going. My shift to guard the Wraith is starting soon.”
“Have fun with that.”
The Satedan huffed. “I’d kill them if it was up to me, but Weir would have my hide.”
“Yeah, you don’t want to have her on your bad side.”John smiled.
“Very true. That’s why I’m off right now, before her wrath gets released when I’m late for duty.”
John laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “Alright man, see you later.”
Ronon nodded and bid John goodnight before walking out of the room.
It didn’t take him long to empty the box and now he was lying on his bed, feeling bored. It suddenly dawned on him that his book was missing and then he remembered the picture he used as booklet indicator.
“Crap, I hope she didn’t see it.” He mumbled as he instantly sat up. “Maybe Carson saw it before she did and took it. Yeah... of course. Carson would never let her look at it.” He tried to reassure himself. “But then again he didn’t know it was in the book. Crap.” That picture was proof he cared more for her than mere friendship allowed... a lot more. If she had seen it, she would instantly know how he really felt about her. He wanted her to know, but not like that. He wasn’t even sure if he was really ready to open up to her yet. He had been carefully hiding his feelings for so long now and he wasn’t sure how to handle them if he allowed them to surface. Burying his head in his hands, he groaned.
“I need fresh air.” He mumbled and got off the bed.
As he walked to the door, he was startled by the chime that rang seconds before he wanted to open the door.
Slightly cocking his head, he opened the door, surprising the two people who were standing outside.
“That was fast.” McKay said as he pushed his way past the soldier.
“I think they call it timing.” Carson joked as he walked inside behind the scientist.
“Why don’t you come in.” John rolled his eyes, but smiled at his two friends.
“Well, here you go.” McKay began as he handed the framed picture back to John. “I didn’t know what else to take.”
“Thank you.” John smiled and put the picture back on his desk.
“I took this.” Carson said.
“My Johnny Cash poster!” John exclaimed and smiled. “Carson, I didn’t know you were a fan.”
“I’m really not, but it meant a lot to you.”
John nodded. He understood it perfectly well.
“So, how’s it going with the Wraith and the retrovirus?”
“We’ve only been at it for a couple of hours but there is some progress.” McKay started, but John turned to Carson.
“Carson?”
“We’re stuck. Completely and utterly stuck.” The doctor admitted.
“We are not.” McKay said indignantly. “I’ll get us unstuck.”
“I thought you just said you weren’t stuck.” John grinned.
McKay huffed. “You know what I mean. I really should be getting back now.” With that he walked out of John’s room.
“I better go after him.” Carson smiled at the Colonel and then turned towards the door.
“Carson, hang on.” John called after him.
“What is it, lad?” He asked and turned back to face John.
“My book... did Elizabeth take it?”
“Aye, she did.” Carson nodded.
“Did she...” John began and Carson nodded again.
“Aye, she found the photo.”
John mentally cursed. “How did she react to it?”
“Let’s just say she didn’t take the news of your death very well.” Carson said and saw a flicker of hope in John’s eyes. But the hope was quickly replaced by regret.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We’re all very glad you made it back in one piece.”
“Yes... but this was too close. Way to close.”
“Aye, like I said before, we really thought we had lost you this time.”
John nodded. “Do you know where Elizabeth is right now?”
Carson looked at his watch. “Knowing her, even though the dayshift ended nearly three hours ago, she’s in her office.”
“Good point.” John gave his friend a weak smile. “I should probably go talk to her, shouldn’t I?”
“Aye, lad. You should.” Carson agreed and then left the room.
John stared at the closed door for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. He still wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront Elizabeth, especially not now that she knew how he felt about her. Nothing forbid them to be in a relationship, but he knew they would be frowned upon anyway. Not by the people in Atlantis, but by their superiors back on Earth. The IOA had been looking for a reason to replace her and he didn’t want their feelings to be that reason.
He also knew that if he gave his feelings for her breathing room, he wouldn’t be able to live without her anymore. He could barely live without her as it was. And he could barely imagine what she had been through after she thought he was dead.
Letting out a deep breath, he knew he had to talk to her. No matter what the consequences were. His near-death had made him realize that life was too short and that it was barely worth living without her being a very important part of it.
A resolution he had never felt before settled in him as he left his quarters.
He wasn’t surprised when he saw her sitting at her desk, fully focused on her work. What he didn’t know was that she actually really wasn’t focusing on her work. She had been completely distracted ever since she had heard his voice over the radio. Right now she was just staring at her screen, scrolling along words she didn’t register. He was invading her mind again. It all still felt like a dream; his resurrection, the Wraith in the city...
She nearly jumped off her chair when someone knocked on her door.
Looking up, the first second she was convinced she was dreaming when she saw his face, sporting a small grin. But the events of the day quickly invaded her mind again and she felt an incredible sense of relief wash through her. It was really him standing in the doorway. He was alive.
“Hey, do you have a few moments?” He asked, not leaving his spot by the door.
“Sure, come on in.” She answered.
Turning to look at the techs that were staring at them from the control room, he shook his head. “I’d like to talk somewhere more private.”
She swallowed and felt her heart speed up. “Uh, sure... lead the way.”
It didn’t surprise her at all when he let her to the balcony outside of the gateroom. Somehow it had become their balcony and even though it wasn’t the most private spot in Atlantis, whenever the two of them were on there together, no one came to join or disturb them. And it sure was a lot more private than her glass-walled office, especially now that it was dark outside.
“I’m glad you’re back.” She started after he stayed quiet for a few moments.
“I’ve heard that a lot today.” He said, staring over the dark city.
“A lot of people missed you.” She wanted to add that she had missed him, but held back, not sure if she was really ready for the next step.
“Anyone in particular?” He tried as he turned to face her.
She averted her eyes from him and stared at the city surrounding them.
“Carson told me you took my book as a memento.”
Elizabeth nodded, knowing that if she would talk now, her feelings would be fully revealed in her voice.
“I’m also still missing one of my dog tags.”
She turned towards him and reached within the pocket above her heart. Drawing out the dog tag, she presented it to him.
Instead of taking it from her, he revealed the dog tag he still owned and hung it over his shirt. Keeping his hands behind his back, he waited for her to act.
She stared at him for a few silent moments. When he started thinking she wouldn’t move anymore, her hands slowly traveled up to his chest where she gently took his dog tag between her fingers. She let her fingers roam over the letters and he was surprised as he saw a single silent tear make its way down her cheek. Softly he brushed his thumb over her cheek to wipe away the wetness.
“Don’t ever do this to me again.” She whispered barely audible as she slowly opened the chain and let the dog tag slide over it.
“You know I can’t make a promise like that.” He said just as softly while his hand now fully cupped her cheek.
“I don’t know if I can survive it again.” Another tear made its way down her cheek which he gently wiped away.
Her hands stayed on his chest and he was certain she could feel his out of control heartbeat.
“You’re stronger than any woman I have ever met.” He whispered as his other hand slowly settled on her hip.
She could feel being drawn in by him but she wanted to fight it… wanted to run away as far as possible. She never wanted to feel herself so broken hearted again when he had another brush with death. But she couldn’t run away… she couldn’t even walk away. She had dreamed of this moment for too long. Longed for it too much after she thought he had died. She loved him too much to walk away and that scared her more than anything ever before had.
Swallowing, she let her hands travel from his chest to his back and she drew herself nearer to him, nestling her face in the crook of his neck.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He was holding her… she was real… he was home…
Elizabeth heard his heart beat rapidly when she put her ear against his chest. He really was alive and holding her like his life depended on it. She realized he probably needed the same physical confirmation of being alive as she did.
“I can’t promise I will never die.” He whispered in her ear. “But I can promise to be there for you for as long as I can.” He sealed that promise with a soft kiss against her temple.
She sighed in his neck and the warm breath against his skin gave him goosebumps all over his back. It was another proof that she was real and he held her even closer.
“If it was up to me, I’d stay with you forever.” He breathed in her ear which made her shiver in delight.
“I know.” She replied barely audible. “So would I.”
He closed his eyes and fully focused on her. Her breathing, her body, her scent… there was only her and nothing else mattered right now. The Wraith could be fully attacking the city right now and he wouldn’t even notice… wouldn’t even care.
Right now there was only her…
TBC
Chapter End Notes: Again, thanks for reading and don't forget to review.
Only two more chapters after this one.
Only two more chapters after this one.