If you ever get motivated again you should finish this. You left off in a really
exciting moment, I look forward to seeing how it ends up.
really good and I love the cliff hanger. I want to know the rest of the story so badly. Really good and please update soon.
hmm, interesting! so you're going in a different direction with the plot now? it was kinda sudden, but ok.
Cute. I like the idea.
Critically, new speakers get new paragraphs.
"Huh?" she said.
"Get up there! You're the winner!" Sam stated, and lifted Elizabeth up off the chair.
That way we know it's not Sam saying both things and it makes the story easier to read. If you want to keep writing and get better at it find a good beta. (lots of people here will do it)
Aww...how cute! Hope there will be more to this!
Now, just a little critique- it makes reading a whole lot easier when the dialogue is seperated and not in one huge paragraph....
Ooo...interesting....far to short though...^_^
I can't wait to see what happens next.
SGC
interesting, but short. hopefully a little more information in the next chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah i'm going to do that. I was going to update the 1st chapter tonight, but my computer froze and i've got no time, so im going to add what i wanted to the 2nd chapter. Hopefully i'll get that done tomorrow.
Is this a start? Where's it going? It doesn't seem like a really story yet...
Author's Response: Its a start, but the chapter isnt finished. But im finishing chapter 1 tonight.