it's an interesting idea, but its very rushed with no scene breaks or scene transitions. John and Elizabeth and Carson all seem odd...probably because they aren't quite into character. You could also use some good details.
Author's Response: Thanks for the heads up on the breaks, seems the archive stripped the ones I had in when I uploaded it. The OOC nature of the fic is because it's a missing scene from another fic where several key mind-changing events had already occured.
Thanks for the candid feedback.
I really hope you continue this. I wonder who the pregnant women are? And the fathers? PLease continue!
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, I may continue it later, but for now I'm going to focus on other fics. This just came in my head on an airplane and needed to get out.
I like it. Sweet and practical at the same time.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! That's what I like to hear.
nice story, really liked it. :)
Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it.