Oops, looked at my reveiew and just realised I mistyped something. I've just finished chapter six not seven!
Though I would like to read chapter seven, (hint hint..)
I thought Weir overrecated a little, seems a bit out of character for her to be so mean, but apart from that I think it's good.
Set out and the paragraphs are easy to read and I'm never that fussy about grammer.
Just finished chapter seven and it ends! How can this be??? I demand more ASAP.
beta beta beta...
there are some words that seem off...like they don't seem to fit. the characters could use some work...
i'd still suggest a beta reader...your grammar and tenses are off. i'd suggest looking over the list of betas and then read their stuff to make sure it's really someone who's going to be able to help you. the story line's a little thin in this chapter and you could use more detailing.
Great chapter! Can't wait for more! Update soon please, this story's getting really interesting.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad you're liking the story.
but the story doesn't flow smoothly... I think if you were going back and forth where you divide the characters then it would flow smoothly...that's why I mentioned a beta ;) a beta reader will make the story flow better
Author's Response: After this It's all split up so Sheppard and Weir don't interact much for a while.
there is a problem with the grammer but its nothing major. beta's help with that and are great for feedback. keep up the good work, its got great potential!
Author's Response: Glad you liked the story. I would like to point out that as I am sixteen, I am not perfect with my grammar but I do try!
great chapter. can't wait for the next! :)
Author's Response: Yay thank you for your second review!!!!
nice story, i'm really getting into this. and why does everyone keep mentioning grammar? nothing's wrong with it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the positive review. I was beginning to think no one liked the story. We are aware that there will be some mistakes, especially with my sister being dyslexic but we try our best.
The grammar in this chapter seems better...if you're going to co-write something in which you write your own chapters, you DEFINATELY need a beta to keep everything streamlined! In the first chapter no quotation marks are used for dialogue, but in this chapter they're used. But i would still recommend a beta reader!
Author's Response: Thanks for the less negative reviews than other people's. Me and my sister use different styles of writing and we think that it interfere's too much with the story. We were worried that a beta reader would make it difficult to distinguish between the chapters.
seems like a really nice idea...but you should look into a beta reader. grammar could use some help.
Apologize has a Z. (beta beta beta or at least spell check...) Elizabeth seems like she's being mean for no reason and rather out of character. It was an accident after all, not John being irresponsible.
Author's Response: We're english so those sort of words are going to be spelt differently. This is set after Mckay and Mrs Miller so teh city is now pretty much defenceless.
Some of the grammar's a bit dodgy. Commas in odd places. The two of you should get a beta. The characters seem a bit off as well. Good effort! Keep trying!
Hm. This doesn't sound much like Elizabeth, even when she's angry. I doubt she'd overreact like that. (Also, keep an eye on your punctuation. Again... beta-readers are a good thing!)
Author's Response: This happens just after Mckay and Mrs Miller so they have no ZPM. Weir's angry because Sheppard's lost them another defence.
Your/you're, revel/reveal, quite/quiet? Not synonyms. Think you could do with a beta-reader.
Characterisation's not bad, though.