Don't get discouraged by others comments it was a cute inventive story, keep working on your skills and what does she mean it was ooc? These were the unknown sga players conversing just fantasizing want they think the leaders and team members were doing, your MCKAY was fine.
Alright... I've read quite a few of your stories and... *breathe in slowly* ... they're not as good as they can be. The way you present the characters is nothing in the way they could nor should be. They act immature and childish. Myself and many others (I know) really do enjoy the mature fics here. Those that are featured a lot of the time are really good. They portray the character in the way they should be seen. Maybe you should just be reading fics at your age, because: 1. I can tell your around 12 - 15 from the way you write. 2. I see you have A LOT of constructive criticism you NEED to work on, if you wish to up hold a place here. And no, I'm not perfect but I study the characters and how they react to certain things. Sorry, but you need to know. If people keep saying you do very well, when there is room for improvement, they are only letting you down. Sorry, but this needed to be straightened out.
And uhm.. With punctuation.
Last sentence "HE WHAT" would be. "HE WHAT."
Note the ." Full stops after each sentence please.
haha lovely.
nice ending. :)