Story Notes: This is my response to a prompt for dorky John and smut. I hope it satisfies.
“Ow, way to go John. Set yourself on fire!” John Sheppard threw the tool he was holding on the floor and hopped on one foot while banging his pant legs with both hands. Small sparks were still flying off the control panel in the wall of the puddle jumper. And smoke curled toward the ceiling coming from the open panel, the internal workings of which were now dangling by a few wires.
Safe for the moment from any further damage, John stood with his hands on his hips and surveyed the results of his attempts at jumper repair. Hopeless would have been an accurate description because after trying without much success to make a few changes in the operation of the small space ship, John now realized things were probably worse than before he began.
“Dammit McKay, this was not one of your better plans,” John said aloud as he poked the control crystals in front of him.
The whole city of Atlantis was experiencing one of those periodical bouts when the environmental controls seemed to be possessed by gremlins. First it was boiling hot and then the temperature dropped drastically and everyone was bundled up in their fleece jackets and scarves. This was one of the boiling days. And since McKay, Zelenka and assorted scientists were off dealing with the problem, John was left to try to get jumper one in working order.
“It's simple,” McKay had said with a distracted air as he handed John a strange tool that looked like a cross between a screwdriver and a socket wrench. “It's like doing a tune up on a '57 Chevy. Just change the points and plugs and you're good to go.”
When John didn't answer, Rodney looked up from his laptop on which he had been tapping furiously with one hand as he talked to John at the same time. John was looking at the tool in his hand with a furrowed brow, face scrunched up in what Rodney had come to recognize as his what-the-hell-do-I-do-now face.
“Just do what you've seen me do a hundred times. Switch the control crystals from top to bottom. Put the middle one on the top, the top one on the bottom and leave the middle slot empty. Reroute the red wire to replace the blue wire which goes underneath the green wire. Clean out all the gunk in the ports, tighten down the connections and put the crystals back where they were originally. Just be careful not to get the crystals mixed up or you may not live to regret it. Now leave me alone. I've got real work to do.” Rodney wound down and wandered off without looking at John again.
Now John was wondering if trying to do his own jumper maintenance was such a good idea. He used part of an old discarded tee shirt to wipe his sweaty brow and shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans leaving a good portion of it dangling. Perspiration trickled down his back and chest and darkened the black tee shirt he was wearing. Wishing for a cold drink, John bent to pick up his abandoned tool.
“How's it goin' Mr. Fixit?” The smooth feminine voice made him straighten up slowly and turn with a grin.
“Not so good. I hope you've come to help.”
Elizabeth Weir grinned right back at him with her head on one side and a twinkle in her eye. She eyed him up and down from his damp messy hair to his scuffed boots. She took a moment to appreciate the faded jeans which were tight through the thighs and somewhat baggy in the seat before she frowned at the small holes in the legs, one of which was still smoking a bit. There was a dark smudge on one cheek, sweat stains under his arms and, though for the life of her she couldn't figure out where he got them, grass stains on the knees of his rumpled and torn jeans. He hadn't shaved in at least a couple of days and there was a good sized tear on the shoulder seam of his old black tee shirt. Elizabeth had seen men in white tie and tails that didn't look nearly as appealing.
She grinned wider and stepped closer. “It depends on what kind of help you need.”
John waved the tool he was holding in her direction. “Well if you've come to help me electrocute myself, I'm doing fairly well in that regard all on my own.”
Elizabeth reached out and removed the implement from his hand. She turned it over and over trying to figure out its purpose. John watched as she slowly ran her hand the length of the chrome surface of the tool and traced the slightly rounded tip with one finger.
He licked his lips and had to take a moment to clear his throat before any sound at all would come out. “What are you doing up here? I thought you'd be out on the balcony looking for a cool breeze.”
Eyeing the open control panel, Elizabeth said, “Rodney said you were, how did he put it, getting in touch with your inner grease monkey. So I decided to investigate.”
Elizabeth tossed the implement in her hand to one side and poked her finger through one of the holes in John's shirt. There was a small ripping sound as she tugged him closer.
“Well, you have perfect timing,” he croaked, bending his knees to bring his face more on a level with hers. “I really could use a break.”
John's eyes slid down over the tiny white tank top she was wearing and back up. Heedless of the smudges he was leaving on the fabric, he put his hands on either side of her waist and pulled her closer. Her long legs tangled with his as she came up flush against him.
She leaned forward until her breasts were just touching his chest and slid her hands very slowly up and around his neck.
“I'm all sweaty.” He whispered.
“Yes, I know.” She trailed one finger down the side of his neck following the path of a drop of perspiration. “It must be 90 degrees in here.”
“Fahrenheit or celsius?” John couldn't help but tilt his pelvis just a tiny bit in her direction.
“Which is hotter?” Elizabeth replaced the finger with her tongue and John's eyes rolled back in his head.
“I'm sure I used to know that, but right now the answer doesn't spring to mind.”
“And why would that be, Colonel Mensa?” Another swipe of the tongue on his neck. “Brain lacking blood supply perhaps?”
“Right now,” John leaned forward and placed his lips against her ear. “my brain is not the organ that is trying to get my attention.”
“Everybody else is busy working on the A/C problem.” Elizabeth's breath hitched as he bit down on her earlobe and then soothed the tiny bite with his tongue. “There's nobody around for...miles and miles.”
John smiled against her neck. “You mean we have this great big jumper bay all to ourselves?” His fingers were inching their way under the hem of her shirt. The soft skin underneath was warm to the touch and made his hands itch to move higher.
“Um,” she hummed in agreement and went back to inspecting the little sweat trails on his neck. John's head snapped back and banged against the wall of the puddle jumper.
Certain he must have injured himself, Elizabeth grasped his shoulders and leaned back to look at him. The glazed look in his eyes didn't tell her much but when he gave her that lopsided grin that always made her knees go weak, she knew he had managed to avoid giving himself a concussion. At least for the moment.
“What say,” John said as his eyes regained focus and locked on hers, “we just close up the jumper and take advantage of the alone time?”
“I thought you had important repairs to do.” Her fingers were already working his tee shirt up his body.
“Repairs can wait.” He had managed to remove her shirt entirely and toss it over his shoulder.
John thought close, damn you and the small spaceship was suddenly very dark and rapidly getting much hotter. No amount of cursing or begging on John's part would activate the air conditioning however because that particular system control was, at the moment, disabled by his own hands.
Now bare to the waist, John pulled Elizabeth back into his arms. Her skin smacked against his with a slippery wet sound, and her hands grabbed him by the hair and pulled his mouth down to hers. She tasted salty and sweet and when she slid her tongue against his, he grabbed her ass in both hands and squeezed. The incredible feeling of her hot body against him made him shiver and goosebumps popped out on his skin in spite of the heat.
Elizabeth wiggled against his erection causing him to gasp into her mouth. She could feel the perspiration soaking through his jeans and into hers and the rough material felt incredibly good against her sensitive tissues as she rubbed herself against him.
With suddenly awkward hands John unbuttoned his jeans. The zipper stuck on the way down and he cursed it fluently while Elizabeth giggled. Getting the damp material down his legs was quite a chore but with her help the jeans were soon down around his ankles and pooled over his boots.
“You still have your shoes on.” Elizabeth stated the obvious as she trailed the tips of her fingers from his neck downward, straightening and tugging at his chest hair.
“Not for long.” John managed to toe off his boots and step out of the jeans without letting go of her.
Elizabeth was distracted by the rather impressive bulge in the front of his boxers, but when she reached for it he grabbed her hand.
“Oh no you don't,” John said, “you're still way overdressed for the occasion.”
She looked down at her own dark blue jeans and took a step away from him. John clinched and unclinched his fists as she slowly unzipped her jeans and slid them down her legs and kicked them in the general direction of her previously discarded shoes. His eyes slowly came back up her body and settled on her breasts which were only partially covered by a tiny pink bra. With one long finger he reached out and snagged it in the front, pulling her back against him.
John's hands slid up her back over the expanse of damp skin and fumbled with the back of her bra, looking for a clasp.
“The front,” she whispered against his chest, busy with her tongue.
“Huh?” Momentarily distracted by her smooth long neck, John continued in his quest for a way to open the back of her bra.
“It opens in the front.” Elizabeth was more insistent, pulling a bit away from him in hopes that the message would get through the fog.
Instead of looking for a way to open the bra in the front, John just pulled it upward and over her head allowing her breasts to pop free.
“Better,” he sighed and bent his knees so he could take one of them in his mouth.
Elizabeth tugged on his hair and wrapped one leg around him, nearly pulling them off their feet. John stumbled a bit before regaining his balance and holding her even closer against him. He kissed her with a passion that made her heart race and her breath nearly leave her body.
“Naked, now,” he insisted as he stripped her little pink bikini panties down her legs. His boxers quickly followed and she pushed him backward onto one of the bench seats before straddling his lap. His erection was hot and heavy between them and Elizabeth couldn't help sliding against it spreading the wetness that had gathered between her legs over the both of them.
John's hands plunged into her hair. His lips and teeth and tongue devoured her. “God 'Lizabeth, I just...” It was barely a whisper against her throat.
“I know,” she replied, breathless. “Me too.”
Gulping air, John let his hands trail down her body stopping to gently circle each tight nipple with a finger. After what seemed like an eternity, one hand made its way into her throbbing wetness and a long finger slid inside her.
She held onto his shoulders and ground herself down on his hand as his thumb moved to lightly tease her. John withdrew his hand and grasped her hips while she raised up slightly and impaled herself on his hardness. The rough hairs on the tops of his thighs tickled the backs of her legs and the pressure building at the place they were joined was deliciously unbearable. John's hands caressed the sides of her legs and up her torso to close over her breasts as she began to move against him. He closed his arms around her and returned to kissing her, their tongues tangling frantically.
Her slick wet heat was almost too much, hitting John as it always did when he was buried deep inside her with a powerful rush of lust and love and overwhelming desire to hear that noise she made in her throat when she came. He slipped one hand between them and with a few deft strokes had the pleasure of hearing that sound in his ear as she panted and gasped and shuttered against him. Then he allowed himself to join her and she held on tight until his body gave one last shudder and stilled.
“Holy crap,” he gasped. “That was intense.”
Elizabeth relaxed the death grip she had on his hair and went limp in his arms. “That's a good word...intense...let's go with that.”
Reluctant to move they stayed like they were for a moment. Finally John lifted his head from where it had fallen on her shoulder.
“Can we just stay like this for...oh...the rest of the week?”
Elizabeth held his face in her hands and placed a gentle kiss on his nose. “Ordinarily, I would say yes, but considering our present location...”
“We'd better not.” John grasped her by the waist and lifted her off him with a wet squelching noise which made them both laugh. Locating their various pieces of clothing took some time and getting the damp articles back on their bodies took quite a bit of effort.
Elizabeth finished tugging her jeans into place and pulled her tank top over her head. She frowned down at the dark smudges shaped suspiciously like hands along the sides and shrugged. No way to do anything about it now.
“So how did you end up nearly on fire exactly?”
John was having quite a struggle getting his own damp jeans up his legs. He didn't answer for a moment until he secured the zipper without personal injury. Elizabeth stood quietly enjoying the show. When finally he was as presentable as he was likely to get, he turned to her with raised eyebrows. The fact that his shirt was on inside out didn't escape her, but she decided to let it go.
“I blame McKay,” John began. “He gave me his usual long list of instructions without stopping for a breath, which I followed to the letter I might add. And of course it didn't work the first time, so I disconnected everything and started over. That time I had a piece or two left over for some reason and when I was attempting to put those back in their proper place a small electrical explosion took place.”
John stopped for a breath and Elizabeth had to pretend to cough to keep from laughing. She put what she hoped was a concerned expression on her face and waited.
“Then,” John continued, “I was trying to decide what to do next when you showed up. I tell you, McKay is dangerous.” John turned and raised a finger to emphasize his point.
“And I'm glad you survived.” Elizabeth hooked the digit he was waving around with her pinkie finger and brought it briefly to her lips. “Maybe you can leave the jumper repair for later. I think a nice cool shower would benefit both of us.”
John smiled. A real smile that never failed to curl Elizabeth's toes.
“Can I use some of that bath stuff you have that smells like coconut?”
Elizabeth nodded and tugged on his hand. “Indeed you may. But not the almond shampoo.”
John nearly tripped over his collection of discarded tools and jumper parts as he thought hurry up and open to the jumper while attempting to keep up with her.
“Why not? I love that shampoo.” He gave her what he hoped was his best pout.
Elizabeth smirked at him and pulled him along behind her. “Because it's almost empty and the Daedalus is on Earth and I can't get more for weeks.”
“But...that stuff I get from supply leaves my hair unmanageable.”
“That explains a lot.”
“What?”
“I said thanks for explaining,” Elizabeth was trying not to laugh, but his cute look of genuine puzzlement almost did her in. “But no you may not use my almond shampoo.”
Elizabeth sped up a bit and the fact that John hadn't taken time to properly tie his bootlaces was hindering his progress.
“'Lizbeth.” Never try to think directions at the puddle jumper and argue with Elizabeth at the same time, John.
“'Lizbeth, wait up. My boots are untied.”
“'Lizbeth!”