Summary: The title pretty much says it all
Categories: Fanfiction Characters: None
Genres: Fluff & Slush, Humor
Warnings: Character Death
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 3346
Read: 2524
Published: April 17, 2007
Updated: April 17, 2007
1. Chapter 1 by emily sheppard
Chapter 1 by emily sheppard
Author's Notes:
Never will be mine
1.
When your military commander shuts off his radio numerous times and refuses to tell you the reason he's done so, one might find it normal for a person to be slightly suspicious if not a little worried. One might also understand the need to go and find the reason your military commander has done so.
So given the circumstances, no one could blame Elizabeth for lurking around John's regular hide-outs, trying to see if he is there and what he is doing. Although she would never admit in doing so mind you. Elizabeth is after all still leader of the city. She must always have a reason for being somewhere.
She is looking for John because she needs to discuss the security.
She is looking for John because he has a report she urgently needs to read.
She not looking for John, she's just taking a walk through the living quarters.
All very good excuses she continuously uses when coming across a pair of questioning airmen or scientists.
Asking where he is because she needs to discuss something had only been accepted the first four times. Anymore and people would definitely start to think their leader had turned stalker.
So she is again left with lurking.
And then he steps out of his quarters carrying a suspiciously large package.
Elizabeth's torn to follow him as if she really is a stalker, or just talk to him head on. Given the choice herself she would be tempted to choose the first, but not really wanting to risk having to explain to someone why she was tailing around her military commander. Especially if she had to explain to said military commander, she does what her daddy always told her to do when faced any tough situation, she steps up and faces it.
“John.”
From the way he practically jumps and clutches the package he really wasn't expecting to run into her, maybe hoping he wouldn't run into her. That actually hurts a bit. What could there possibly be so bad that he can't tell her? What's he keeping from her?
“Elizabeth? Something I can do for you?” John looks rushed.
“Yes, I still need that report from your last mission with the Langaran people.”
Now John looks rushed and worried, maybe a bit scared. “Oh, right. It's almost finished. I'll mail it to you tonight.”
“Tonight would be good. Thank you.”
“Okay then, was there something else? I promised Rodney I would help with his training. I think Ronon scared the hell out of him last time.” He looks at his watch. “And I'm already late.”
“Yes, why aren't you wearing your radio?”
“I'm not?” He touches his ear. “Must have forgotten. Look, I gotta go.”
Before Elizabeth has even a chance to say anything he's already jumped in the nearest transporter and is gone.
He lets out a long sigh when he reaches his destination. Ronon and Rodney are already there, taking out various items out of as many boxes.
“You're late.”
“Yeah, I ran into Elizabeth.”
“What'd you tell her?”
“That I'm teaching you how to fight, cos you're scared of Ronon.”
Rodney scowls “I'm not scared. I'm just very fragile.”
“You're scared.” The big Satedan interjects from the other side of the room. “Hey Sheppard, where d'you want me to hang the 'Happy Birthday' sign?”
2.
His mother always said that telling the truth, no matter how much it hurt, is always the best course of action to take. What his mother never told him was that rule should be chucked out the window when you're eight months old pregnant girlfriend asks you how she looks in pants that looked gorgeous on her when she was only two months but since then have long lost their ability to zip up. Telling the truth is so overrated. Which of course resulted in the now nasty headache he's got caused by the book she threw at his head following his fatal mistake.
Of course he tried to placate. He apologised, he reasoned, he begged. As a result he's now sleeping on a very uncomfortable bed in the room next door their quarters. He's fairly certain her threat of impending doom if he ever came near her again was slightly exaggerated, but he's not really ready to test that theory. That woman can be scary if she wants to be when she's not pregnant. Add the hormonal mix currently going through her system... It's not about his personal safety; it's about John's ability to ever being able to produce another child again. He has to think of the future generation, after all.
He knows it's the hormones. He also knows the tirade will fade by the end of the day. He's fairly certain she'll let him back in bed but he's still to afraid to ask her. What if it resulted in another item being thrown at his person? His head really does hurt from the last one.
Maybe he'll just wait a day.
The next morning he needs to steel himself to face either a potentially painful death, or... he doesn't know. It can go either way but he's definitely hoping for the 'or'. Whatever it is, would to be better than death by the hands of your mission commander.
When he opens the door he's a bit stunned to find her already waiting for him. He watches her warily for a second but from the puppy dog face she has on now, it's definitely the 'or'. He lets out a long sigh and thanks whoever is listening upstairs that he's not about to lose his manhood... well at least not today. He's still got a month of tiptoeing before the baby's here.
“Hi.” She smiles cheerfully and wraps her arms around his waist. “I missed you tonight.”
“Me too.” He rests his forehead against hers.
“I'm sorry about last night.”
“ 's Okay. Me too.”
“John?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you really think I looked fat in those pants?”
This time, he doesn't even blink. “Of course not sweetie. You look great in everything.”
Yeah, he definitely learned his lesson.
3.
John knew flying a jumper with a little baby strapped in the seat next to you probably wasn't the best of ideas. He wouldn't have done it again if the little bundle didn't love it so much. So John figured it was like driving a car to get a baby to sleep. The noises and small vibrations the initial dampeners couldn't quieten soothed the baby until she was happily watching the clouds pass by. The baby loved to fly. Must be in the genes, John thought proudly.
Elizabeth didn't like it, however. “A puddle jumper is not a car. A car doesn't crash in the middle of the ocean without any land in sight,” she'd told him whenever he brought the subject up. She had a point, of course. But there had yet to be a time when John crashed the jumper in the ocean. On another planet, okay, but John had never crashed the thing into the ocean. That was Rodney's thing.
So he didn't tell her anymore, but just took the baby up. He wasn't as stupid to think Elizabeth wouldn't find out about his trips with the baby. Internal systems would rat him out every time, but, he mused, better ask forgiveness than seek permission.
After his third unauthorised trip - well, not so much unauthorised for him, as for the passenger he kept taking up – Elizabeth had grounded him for a week. He'd pouted, pleated, sulked and after applying some very impressive persuasion techniques involving massage oil and other various items that still made him blush she'd let him off the hook and let him fly again. That was of course after he'd solemnly promised to never take the baby up again, well, not until she could walk at least.
Two weeks later he'd taken her up again. Baby Ally had been restless all day and according to Carson, nothing was physically wrong with her. She was just having a bad day. John had nearly gone nuts with the constant crying and fussing, so he'd done the one thing he knew would quieten her. He took her in the puddle jumper and flew around the city. After seconds the baby had settled into a peaceful sleep.
To say Elizabeth had been unhappy when she found out was definitely an understatement and the fight that ensued had passers-by frown by the sheer volume. When Elizabeth reached the point where she'd threatened that John could never see his baby again, he's lost it and said things only seconds after he was already regretting. John saw Elizabeth's expression change from angry to shocked to hurt. At the time he'd been too stubborn to apologise and Elizabeth had thrown him out.
The week that followed had been one of the longest John had ever experienced, and that included his all-nighters when he was in Afghanistan. He was tired of being ignored by Elizabeth and every day his mood grew darker with the loss of both the woman he loved and their baby, who he had only the chance to see when Elizabeth wasn't there and Teyla was babysitting.
After ten days he had enough. For once there hadn't been any threats from the Wraith, the Replicators, there weren't any important missions he had to go on and the boredom and loneliness were driving him crazy. He needed his family back!
Elizabeth was as always working in her office so he went to pick up Ally from Teyla and without knocking walked into Elizabeth's office. The baby would at least prevent some nasty things being said and more shouting matches.
When Elizabeth looked up, John ignored the way her eyes narrowed at seeing him with the baby in his arms. But his anger drained from him when he saw her posture change as she was readying herself for another fight. He was so tired of fighting.
“I give up.” He didn't sit down, instead looking at the little bundle in his arms and rocking gently. When he looked back up he gladly noticed her posture had softened a bit – only a bit. “How long are you going to keep doing this to me, Elizabeth?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I'm not doing anything, John”
“Then why is it that the only time I get to see my own daughter is when I sneak in when Teyla's watching her? I haven't seen you in almost two weeks.” He sighed. “I give up.”
“John...”
“I know what you're going to say and yes, I'm sorry I took her up, but you and I both know that I would never, in all my life, endanger the life of both you and our daughter.”
Elizabeth looked down. “I know.”
“She loves to fly, Elizabeth. You have no idea how much she loves it. Teyla said she's been restless for the last few days. Let me show you. Let me take you both up and you can see for yourself.”
“John!”
“I'm asking you, Elizabeth. I won't go if you say no, but I'm asking you.” He walked over to crouch next to her chair and handed her the baby. “Come fly with us. Just for five minutes. Please.”
Elizabeth looked at the infant in her arms, waking and already beginning to stir restlessly. “All right,” she eventually caved.
John took a deep breath in relief. “Thank you.” He gently pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her waist, careful of his little angel huddled in between the two of them. He lovingly stared at his precious daughter for a second before looking back up and became serious again. “I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry and hurt and lashed out without thinking.”
Elizabeth looked at him, as if guessing his sincerity before letting a small smile pull at her lips. “I forgive you.” The smile disappeared. “As long as you know what will happen next time.”
He swallowed. “Elizabeth, you know I can't promise not to take her flying again.”
“I know,” she fondly looked at the tiny brown curls already tangled in a mess. “Flying is in her blood. I can't deny her that.” She took a deep breath and John knew that what was about to come was as big of a threat as any she'd ever made. And she didn't make threats lightly. “No more behind my back, Colonel. Next time you tell me when you take her up. And,” she put strong emphasis on that one word, “if I think there is sufficient reason to deny your request, you will listen.”
John didn't even need to think about it. “Okay.” He'd take whatever she was willing to give him, as long as he would be given the chance to share the sky with his daughter once in a while.
“Good.” She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. “Now, take me flying, flyboy.”
John beamed. “Yes ma'am.”
When John settled the jumper back down in the jumper bay, Elizabeth had to admit that he'd been right. They hadn't been in the air for more than a few seconds when the baby settled, her big blue eyes glued to the window and happily watching the clouds as the jumper floated across the water and into the sky. Elizabeth had never felt the baby be so silent and focussed as when they were in the air.
“Told you.” John stroked the baby's hair. “She's born to fly.”
“Don't remind me,” Elizabeth laughed. “I have enough to worry about with one pilot in the family causing trouble. Now I'm going to have to start worrying about two.” She turned and leaned over the dialling device to kiss John on the lips. “Yes, you were right. But...” she meant to pull back, but his hand had snaked around her neck and kept her in place.
“I won't lie to you again.”
“Don't make promises you can't keep, John.”
4.
The little girl shrieked as she ran through the corridors. She was only three, but already knew the city better than some of the original crew.
“Ally!” her mother's voice bellowed through the hallways, stopping the little girl in her tracks. Stealing one of Uncle Rodney's toys had been fun and a very good idea at the time, but as she turned, hiding the stone-like device behind her back and seeing her mother stalk towards her, she should have considered taking another hallway, because trouble was coming.
So she did like her daddy would always do when her mummy was angry with him. She put on her best pout and puppy eyes and became the picture of pure innocence. “Yes mummy?” She smiled brightly; only go back to the pout when she noticed her mummy was anything but impressed. It never really worked for her daddy either.
“Why were you running away from Uncle Rodney's lab?”
“Felt like running mummy?” She tried. For a second Elizabeth felt like laughing with the very recognisable look directed at her. How much the little girl looked like her dad, it was uncanny. But Elizabeth knew that look mostly meant she had to go apologise to someone for whatever either of her troublemakers had done.
“Ally,” she warned, “what have you done this time?” She took a step closer and crouched down. That's when she noticed the girl was clutching something in her hands behind her back. “What's that in your hands?”
The girl's eyes went wide. “Nothing mummy,” she answered too quickly.
“Did you take something from Uncle Rodney's lab?”
Ally looked down, knowing she was busted and her mummy was angry. “Maybe,” she mumbled.
“Give it to me.” Elizabeth held out her hand, fully expecting the little girl to place whatever she'd taken in it.
Slowly, small hands appeared and Ally placed the stony object in her mother's much larger hand, not looking up from the floor.
Elizabeth sighed. “Sweetie, you know it's dangerous to take anything from Uncle Rodney's lab. And stealing is wrong.”
“I know, mummy. I'm sorry,” the girl mumbled, shifting on her feet. Like her dad, Ally could never truly sit or stand still.
“You need to say sorry to Uncle Rodney.” Elizabeth stood and held out her hand for the girl to take it.
“But...” Ally tried to argue, but wisely kept silent from the look on her mummy's face.
5.
“You're not going to die.” John grasped her hand tightly, refusing to let go and not caring about the fact that General O'Neill was standing a few feet away from them and that the man still didn't know about the two of them. “I'm not letting you die, dammit!”
“John...” Even said as a hoarse whisper, was as commanding as ever. “Take care of her.”
“'lisbeth.”
“She needs you John.” Tears trickled down her face and John brushed them away with a soft kiss.
“I need you too. We need you.” His voice was about to give up to emotion, his breath coming in rapid puffs as he tried to keep the tears at bay. “This is all my fault,” he whispered. “I should never have let you go. I should never...” he turned his face in the hand he was clutching, letting a single tear escape.
“I wanted to go,” she argued. “You suck at negotiations and we had no way of knowing the Genii are back under Kolya's ruling.”
“I should have!” He closed his eyes for a minute, trying to get the raging emotions going through him back under control, when they were threatening to break out. Eventually the emotions won and he opened his eyes, a murderous glint covering them. “I will get him, Elizabeth. I swear I will get him.” His mind was already turning into the ruthless killer he could become, but had always held in check because of her and regulations. He was going to kill that man, slowly and painfully. If it was the last thing he would ever do, he was going to kill him.
“No, John. Don't...” She clutched his hand as the coughing began. John took a tissue with his free hand and held it to her mouth, desperately ignoring the blood stain on the once plain white cloth. He helped her take a sip of water and settled her back onto the pillow. “Ally needs her father. Please...”
“She needs her mother.”
“Promise me you'll take care of her. Going after Kolya will kill you. Promise me!” Her voice had reduced to a mere whisper and a glaze was starting to cover her eyes.
“I promise.”
He already knew that he was going to break that promise. Kolya was his. He'd make sure of that.
He saw Elizabeth take a deep breath and then everything went silent. John didn't even register the sound of the flat line, not Carson's hand on his shoulder as the man turned the monitor off. He ignored the looks he got as he walked out of the infirmary and didn't acknowledge the people walking up to him offering him meaningless expressions of sympathy.
He had only one focus, one mission. Kolya was going to die and it would be by his hands. He went to his quarters, packed what he needed and headed to the gate.
“Daddy?” The soft whisper stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to see his little girls standing in the middle of the corridor, Teyla only a few feet away. “Is mummy sleeping?” the little girl asked, biting her lower lip and clutching the teddy bear Elizabeth had gotten her from home.
John's already shattered heart constricted painfully as he picked Ally up and hugged her tightly. “Yes, sweetie,” he hoarsely murmured in the little girl's dark curly hair. “Mummy's sleeping.” He walked over to Teyla and handed Ally to her. It took everything he had to let go.
“Forgive me.” He pressed a kiss in his baby's hair and walked away, ignoring both Teyla and Ally calling after him.
He had a mission.
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