Summary: Simon comes to work in Atlantis
Categories: Fanfiction Characters: None
Genres: Angst, Drama, Introspective, Other/Misc
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 5449
Read: 2483
Published: May 18, 2006
Updated: May 18, 2006
1. Past and Present don't mix by emily sheppard
Past and Present don't mix by emily sheppard
“Incoming wormhole!” the technician called.
As always the iris closed as soon as the glyphs started glowing. No one was expected to come through the stargate. There were no teams off-world and the SGC wasn’t scheduled to contact. So the only reason for the gate to be active was an incoming threat.
“Any IDC?” Weir asked just the same.
The technician looked confused for a moment, the surprise showed on his face. “It’s the SGC, ma’am.”
“Open the iris.”
Still not sure what this could all be about, Weir went down to the gate room to welcome anyone who might step through the event horizon. What she saw took her completely by surprise.
“Hello, Elisabeth.”
“Simon?”
Before she had regained from the shock of seeing the man she left behind on earth, he had pulled her into a tight hug.
“God, it’s good to see you.” He whispered in her ear.
As he pulled back to look at her, she still was completely shocked and something inside of her tightened.
“I’ve missed you so much.”
The first sentence that popped in her head wasn’t ‘I’ve missed you too’, but “What are you doing here?”
He looked a bit taken back. “What, you didn’t miss me?”
“Of course I did. I’m just completely surprised to see you here. I thought you didn’t want to come to Atlantis?”
“I changed my mind.” He took her head in his hands, gently caressing her face. Elisabeth couldn’t help but lean into the touch, losing herself in the moment, unaware that there were about twelve soldiers watching them.
“Elisabeth, I’ve tried to go on with my life. I tried to forget you, but I can’t. We’re meant to be together and if that means, me giving up my life on earth to be here with you, than I’m more than willing to. “
“But what about…?”
“She wasn’t you. No one could ever be you.”
He lifted her chin up and gently brushed his lips against hers. Completely forgetting where they were, she deepened the kiss, unaware that someone had just entered the gate room. Someone who’s heart was breaking into a thousand pieces by what he saw.
Elisabeth saw movement in the corner of her eyes. She broke the kiss and looked just to see John turning round and walking out of the gate room.
Quickly reality struck her. Not everyone knew about them, but they were a bad kept secret and now, in front of everyone, she had just passionately kissed someone else, while he was watching.
Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach.
For a moment she didn’t even realise Simon was still there, watching her, a confused look on his face.
“Elisabeth, is everything all right?”
Off course, Simon didn’t know about them.
Before she looked back at him, her eyes scanned the room, suddenly feeling very exposed by all the eyes focussed on her. Was she imagining it or had every pair of eyes on her suddenly an accusatory look? They all saw what happened, all saw Sheppard leaving. Of course they were accusing her. They had every right.
Simon, completely oblivious of what was going on around him again asked, “Elisabeth?”
Quickly focussing back on him, Elisabeth nervously smiled. “Let’s go to my office.”
She almost ran up the stairs, wanting to get away from the prying eyes she knew were still on her. As she turned towards her office, she quickly glanced at Simon and saw him looking down towards all the officers who were watching them.
Inside her office, she deliberately sat behind her desk, knowing that if she sat on the couch, he would come and sit next to her and do who knows what. She saw him looking somewhat disappointed, knowing she was right in her assumptions of his actions.
“I guess I should get used to that?”
“Get used to what?”
“All of them looking at us when I’m with you.”
“Simon…” She didn’t know where to start. She knew she should tell him about John, but they weren’t supposed to be together and if Simon should tell the SGC, John would probably be transferred. She knew she should put more trust in Simon, but she didn’t know what he would do when hurt.
“Look, Elisabeth, I know I was stupid giving you up like that, giving us up, but I really want us to try again. When you were gone, I realised what I did, but you had already left. So I asked the SGC if they would consider me for a position here.” That was months ago. “I was starting to give up hope, when they contacted me to tell me that they needed a doctor, to help Dr. Beckett. I didn’t even have to think about it.”
“Dr. Beckett will be happy to have someone to share the workload with.”
“I thought that you would also be happy to have me here.”
“I am!” She smiled nervously. “I’m just still a bit overwhelmed about all of this. Simon, a lot of things have changed. I’m not the same as who I was back on earth.”
He smiled and stood. “How about you show me to the mess hall and you can tell me over lunch?”
That was Simon. Everything could be discussed over food. “I can’t. I have work to do.”
“All right. Dr. Weir. May I ask you to dinner?” He bowed elegantly and Elisabeth couldn’t help but smile. She sometimes missed that elegance he always seems to have.
“Dinner.” She nodded.
“Good. Now if you will be so kind enough to show me to the Infirmary, I have a colleague to meet.”
“Sure.” She smiled as she stood up and preceded him towards the Infirmary, where she quickly introduced him, before escaping back towards her office. She knew Carson was going to ask questions about Simon being here, but she wasn’t ready to answer them. Carson, as one of her closest friends here on Atlantis, if not the closest, knew all about the two of them ever since she asked him if Simon was on the list when the Dr. was putting together a team. He also knew what it meant for both Elisabeth and John.
Elisabeth sat in her office, trying to wade herself through the ever present pile of reports that needed to be read. After the second report she gave up. She knew she had to talk to John, explain, but she was afraid of what she might see in his eyes. When he left the gate room she only caught a glimpse of them and what she saw froze her to the bone. Shock, hurt, anger, disappointment, betrayal. How could so many emotions be put in that one look?
She was so lost in thought that she didn’t even see Rodney standing in front of her until her coughed shortly to get her attention. She snapped up and looked at him. “Rodney, what can I do for you?” She gave him a warm welcoming smile.
“Is everything all right? You seemed a bit out of it?” He asked curiously.
“I’m fine.”
“All right then. Well, I thought you might want to know, I did some calculations on the new ZedPM and the amount of energy where using now, it should last us about 500 years.”
“Can we power up the entire city?”
“We can, but I think it would be wise to only power up the areas that we already have explored, just to rule out unplanned events. I mean we have no idea what time has done to the controls of the city.”
“I understand. Go ahead.”
But Rodney wasn’t leaving. “Something else I can help you with?”
“Yeah, well actually, who’s the new guy in the Infirmary?”
Elisabeth started to fidget. She had no idea she even did that. “Dr. Simon Wallis. He’s here to help Carson.”
“Simon Wallis. I remember that name.” He thought about it for a moment and then his eyes went wide from shock as he remembered who Simon is.
Elisabeth glared at him, indicating she really didn’t want to talk about it.
Rodney quickly recovered from the shock and pulled himself together. “Well then, I’ll let you get back to whatever it is you were doing. I’ll let you know when we will begin to power up the city.” He almost scurried out of the room, leaving Elisabeth again lost in thought.
Now everyone in Atlantis was going to know who Simon was.
She started thinking about the time they’d been in the city. The moments she shared with John. When she almost lost him, on several occasions, like when he had that bug stuck to his neck. That was the first time she realised what she felt for him wasn’t just platonic friendship. By the time the siege began, she’d accepted that she was in love with John Sheppard and that sending him in that jumper on a suicide mission broke her heart. And then seeing him being beamed down into the gate room, she just couldn’t take it anymore and hugged him.
Then they went home and she saw Simon again. She learned he had moved on, but now finding out he hadn’t. Although at the time it hurt to hear him say he’d found someone else, it didn’t hurt as much as she expected. Perhaps some part of her had already let him go. The part that was making room for one John Sheppard. When they returned to Atlantis, he comforted her. Was there for her in a way no one had ever been, not even Simon. Since then they’d grown so close to each other. It scared her sometimes the devotion one man could have towards her. And now she had crushed that devotion the second Simon walked into the city.
In her heart she already knew who she loved the most, who she wanted. If he’d forgive her.
Giving the reports a last look, she decided to summon all of her courage and headed to John’s room. She had to see him.
She was fine the walk towards John’s quarters, but once she stood in front of his room her heart began racing rapidly, her palms were sweating and she felt her stomach tighten painfully.
She knocked on the door and waited.
One minute…
Two minutes…
She knocked again.
Still no answer.
He wasn’t in his room. Where could he be? The gym.
She headed to the gym. Again, the walk over there was fine, but again her symptoms began as she stood in front of the door. She suddenly didn’t want to be there, but before she even moved, the door whooshed open and she saw John. He was deep in concentration, sparring with an officer she vaguely remembered by face, but couldn’t put a name on. She only remembered him being a lieutenant.
John was either so deep in concentration that he didn’t notice her… or was doing everything he had to, to ignore her. It was probably the latter.
She didn’t step inside, knowing it could be dangerous. She could get hit.
The lieutenant saw her and aborted his actions. “Dr. Weir?”
“Lieutenant.” John was still ignoring her. “Lieutenant, can I have a moment with Colonel Sheppard please.”
“Sure ma’am.” He gathered his things and left the room. It was only then that Elisabeth stepped in, but didn’t get any closer to John, who was still ignoring her.
He walked to the bench and started to gather his things.
“John?” Elisabeth began nervously.
He picked up his bag and walked passed her. She quickly jumped in front of him to prevent him from leaving and almost backed away from the dark look he threw at her.
“Move.”
“John, please let me explain.”
“I don’t need an explanation. I know what I saw.”
“I’m so sorry.” She had a hard time keeping the tears in her eyes and her voice even.
“Oh, please,” He snorted. “I don’t want your pity. I should’ve known.”
“John, no, you don’t understand. I …”
“Go back to your doctor. Dr. Weir.”
“John, we’re not…”
“Did you tell him about us?”
She couldn’t look at him before quietly answering, “No.”
“Then I guess, neither are we.” And he left, leaving her in the middle of the gym, staring at the floor.
It took Elisabeth a few minutes to compose herself and get back among the people. She walked out, to almost bump into Carson Beckett.
“Carson, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” She wanted to hurry of, but knew Carson had been looking for her. “So, what can I do for you?”
“That new doctor is really something. He’s an absolute genius.”
She smiled warm. “Yes, I know.”
“Elisabeth…”
But she caught him off, losing her efforts of composure. “Carson, I know what you’re going to say. I didn’t choose for him to be here.”
“You once did.”
“Yes, but I’ve moved on.”
“Aye, and did you tell him that.”
“I don’t want to talk to Simon about that, not now.”
“It wasn’t Simon I was referring to.”
She looked up at him, confusion on her face.
“I saw John storming out of here. He didn’t look happy.”
Elisabeth let out a deep sigh before leaning against the wall her head down. “Carson, I did an awful thing. I…” But she was interrupted by a couple of officers walking passed them.
Carson squeezed her shoulder. “Come on; let’s get inside before we have any more interrupting guests.”
As they walked back in the gym, Elisabeth muttered. “They probably already know.”
Carson sat on the bench. “What do they know?”
Elisabeth sat next to him. “What I did.”
“Lass, you’re going to have to enlighten a bit more because I really cannot follow. What happened that was so terrible?”
Deciding to just spit it out. “Carson, I kissed Simon, in the gate room, in front of everyone.”
It took him a while to process what he just heard. “And…”
“And John saw it too.”
His reaction was somehow what she expected. “What on earth possessed you to do that?”
“I don’t know. I was just so completely shocked to see him here and to hear him telling me how much he missed me and that he asked for a transfer to Atlantis to be with me and then…”
“And then you kissed.”
She didn’t respond, just looked at her hands like they were going to give the answer to fix this mess she made.
“I love him Carson.”
“Simon?”
“John. I loved Simon, still love him, but not like that, not anymore.”
“And does he know?”
“No.”
“Then be fair with him. Tell him the truth. Tell both of them the truth. That’s all the advice I can give you.”
She looked up at him, searching his eyes for an answer, but finding none. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and walked out of the room. Again Elisabeth was left with her thoughts, thoughts about John and what she saw every time she looked into his eyes. The warmth, the love. She remembered the first night they spent together, just holding each other after he’d almost turned into a Wraith. Elisabeth clung to him like he was the only thing keeping her alive. She’d almost lost him then and never wanted to let go of his shirt. He spend the nigh reassuring her that he was there and wasn’t going anywhere. That he was alive and safe, and himself. She cried herself to sleep in his arms.
The first time they made love was after John was trapped on a hive ship that was fighting with other hive ships. They’d just barely escaped when it blew up, Elisabeth fearing that she’d lost him, again. That night they reassured each other that they were very much alive. Their first time didn’t last that long? Both of them desperately needing the reassurance that the other was safe and there. After that they spend almost the entire night discovering each other’s body. Elisabeth still felt goosebumps on her skin when she thought about all the places on her body John had discovered that could get her over the edge. Most places she had no idea of, like the small patch of flesh between her index finger and her thumb. She’d discovered some interesting places of her own on him.
Carson was right. She had to tell both of them the truth, and soon, before she lost John for good.
As planned she had dinner with Simon, thinking then was as good a time as any. She silently prayed John wasn’t going to be there.
During dinner she listened to Simon talk about everyone at home. Their friends, her dog, their neighbours. It made her somewhat nostalgic, remembering everyone she’d left behind and suddenly missing them. She talked about what was going on here in Atlantis deftly avoiding the subject of one Colonel John Sheppard.
It wasn’t until dessert that Simon brought up the subject she feared and anticipated.
“Elisabeth, have you thought about what I said this morning?”
Suddenly loosing her appetite, she pushed the plate with chocolate cake to the centre of the table before answering.
“Simon, I told you before: things have changed. I’m not the woman you knew back home.”
“I know we can make this work if you would give me a chance.”
“I can’t.” She hesitated. “Simon, I don’t love you like that anymore.”
She watched him, fearing the reaction that might come.
“You’ve met someone else.”
She debated to say no, but told the truth “Yes.”
“Is it Carson Beckett?”
Not anticipating that reaction, she just stared at him. “What?”
“Is it Dr. Beckett?”
“No! Carson is a good friend, but I’m not in love with him.”
She suddenly saw John come in. He looked at the two of them before stepping back outside, obviously thinking the wrong thing.
Elisabeth lowered her head, letting out a deep sigh.
“Of course.” She heard Simon say.
Confused she looked up, not understanding what he meant.
“I thought it was a bit strange that just after we kissed, he storms out of the gate room.”
“Simon…”
“I understand Elisabeth.” They both fell silent. “May I suggest something?”
Confusion again across her face.
“Go.”
“What?”
“Go after him.”
“And what about…”
“I’ll be fine. Just go.”
Without realising she was already standing and walking in the direction she saw John going.
She found him on ‘their’ balcony, gazing over the ocean.
She didn’t know if he realised she was there before he asked, “Shouldn’t you be with your doctor?” She tried not to flinch by the harshness in his voice.
“John, I’m not in love with Simon. I was, but not anymore. And I told him that over dinner”
He snorted. “So in the span of what, five hours you got over him? Please.”
“I’ve been over him for a long time. Since before we first went back to earth.”
“Sure. You kiss all your friends like that.”
“You don’t know how sorry I am for that. I was just so shocked to see him here and everything just became messed up and before I knew it, we… I don’t love him. I love you.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
She couldn’t keep the tears from falling down her face and her voice broke. “Please?”
Now he turned towards her. “So it’ll make you feel better? Ease some of that guilt?”
“No!”
“If, like you said, you don’t love him, what the hell possessed you to kiss him like that?” He was yelling at her. Something he rarely did.
She was staring at the floor, unable to look at him, silently crying. She hated to cry. She didn’t want anyone to think of her as weak, but now she just couldn’t control the tears. She so very much wanted to turn back the time and never have kissed Simon.
She couldn’t answer because she didn’t know herself what possessed her to kiss Simon. She never planned on it, she didn’t even want to, but then why did she deepen the kiss? She knew what the consequences might be.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I only know that ever since I kissed him, I’ve regretted it.
“And what if you hadn’t seen me? What if I didn’t find out? Would you still have regretted it?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Yes. And I would’ve told you. Because you deserve to know.”
He turned his back to her, needing think about everything. He knew she regretted what she did. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. She was his, and his alone.
Like if reading his mind, she softly whispered, “I am yours John. I will always be.”
He kept staring into the water, hearing her turn and leave.
The next day Elisabeth woke up with one of the worst headaches she ever had. Before heading towards her office to read up on reports, she passed the Infirmary to get some aspirin. She thought to find Simon there, but he was no where in sight.
Carson saw her coming in, her hand against her head. “Headache?”
“Yeah, I didn’t really sleep last night. After dinner I talked to John and then stayed up until two reading the reports I should have read yesterday.”
“Then why don’t you get back in bed after you take these.”
“I appreciate it Carson, but I have reports to read. Before debriefing at two. So I can’t get back to bed, no matter how much I want to.”
“Elisabeth. One of these days I will order you to go and get some sleep. Well, I am ordering you now. You take these now and whether you want to or not, you will be out like a light in half an hour.” The last part was said after Elisabeth had already swallowed the pills.
“Carson! You drugged me?”
“Aye, and if it is the only way to get you to get some sleep, I will do it again. Now I suggest you go back to your room and sleep.”
“But…”
Carson cut her off. His voice stern, putting a stop to her protest. “Or you can take an Infirmary bed, the choice is yours. But either way you will sleep.”
Elisabeth knew better than go against Carson when he was like that. Carson could overrule her on all medical decisions.
Sensing defeat she nodded. “All right, I will go to sleep for a few hours. But wake me in time for my debriefing at two.”
“I will call you myself. Now up to bed with you lass.” He practically pushed her out of the Infirmary.
“You have obviously been practising.” Teyla said while rubbing her sore arm. They’d been sparring for about two hours before Teyla called it quits after a nasty blow to her arm. This was the first time she had lost not once, but three times from John.
John gave her a pained look. “Sorry about that.” He pointed towards the already forming bruise. “Maybe you should let Dr. Beckett take a look at that.”
“I will be fine John. This is not the first time I have bruised my arm and it will undoubtedly be the last.”
“I’m serious Teyla, we have a mission tomorrow and I don’t want you to go with an injured arm.”
Teyla wanted to argue but the two were interrupted by the door whooshing open.
“I have got to get used to that.” Simon said startled.
The only answer John gave him was clenching his jaw.
Teyla, polite as ever, walked over to him. “Good afternoon, Dr. Wallis. I am Teyla Emmagan.”
“Nice to meet you, Miss Emmagan.”
“Teyla, please.”
“All right, Teyla.”
Teyla had just heard John rambling about the man and from the set of his jaw, knew that this must be him. She quickly excused herself to go to the Infirmary and left the two men alone.
Everything got very quiet as Simon walked a few steps into the gym.
“A Sergeant Bates told me I could find you here.”
Still standing with his back towards the other man, John replied with a flat voice suppressed with anger towards the man. “What can I do for you Dr. Wallis?”
Simon chose to ignore the tone. “I came to talk, about Elisabeth.”
“With all due respect, I don’t want to hear about you and Elisabeth.”
“Not me and Elisabeth. You and Elisabeth.”
John’s head shot up and he turned, glaring at the other man, a look on his face that said he wanted to strangle the man.
Simon saw the look and quickly put his hands up. “I didn’t come here to fight you Colonel Sheppard.”
“What are you doing here, then?”
“I came to ask you…”
“No, here in Atlantis. You came here because of her didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“She asked you to come, and you said no. And now because you broke up with…”
“I left earth because I could not be without her.”
Simon saw that was the wrong response, because John was about ready to launch at him.
“But she moved on.”
It took John a while to realise what he’d said. What?”
“That moment after I’d set foot in the city, was a moment I wish would mean as much to her as it did to me.”
He saw the confusion in John’s face and continued.
“I wanted her to be as happy to see me as it was for me to see her. But it wasn’t. I saw that the second she approached me, but I chose to ignore it. When we kissed I realised the love she had for me could not compare the love she had for someone else. I should have realised at the time, but I didn’t want to. I hoped that she would give me a second chance, but she could not possibly love me as she loves you.”
John had no idea what to say.
“Therefore I am leaving Atlantis.”
He paused for a while, but didn’t get a response.
“The SGC needs a medical doctor and since I now have the clearance and from what I have seen here.”
“You don’t…”
“Colonel, we both know that it would be too awkward for all of us. And after only a few days, I find I already miss earth. I miss its comforts, family.”
“And what about…?”
“Elisabeth. Yes I will miss her, but she has chosen. And the choice is not me. I came here, not because of this city, however impressive it is, but because I wanted to be with her. But since those wishes will never be granted, I see no reason to stay.”
“Does she know?”
“About me leaving? No. I haven’t told her yet. I will after this.”
There was an awkward silence between the two of them, before Simon spoke again. “She does love you. And I believe that you love her as well.”
Without another word he left, leaving John to think about what Simone had just said.
Elisabeth was back in her office working, after getting a very long lecture from Carson that she should take better care of her body and promising him to go to bed early that night. Her headache was clearly better than it was before, but Carson gave her some aspirin in case she should need it.
A knock on her door awakened her from a boring report she was skimming through.
“Simon? What can I do for you?”
“I have decided to go back to earth and take the medical examiner’s position in the SGC.”
“You’re leaving? Why?”
“Because unlike most people, I did not come here for this city and since I can no longer find what I am looking for here, I have no reason to stay.”
“Simon…”
“Elisabeth. I have caused enough problems here. I do not wish to add awkwardness to the mix. I spoke with John today.”
“You did?”
“Well actually I mostly spoke, he listened. But from his reaction I do believe that he cares about you a lot, probably even love. And I cannot come between that. When I came here I’d hoped that you would still be as you were back home, but I soon realised that could never be the case. You have moved on and I will find a way to live with that. But I cannot do that here on Atlantis. It would be awkward for you, but too painful for me. In time perhaps, but not now.”
“I don’t want you to go because of me.”
“I cannot stay. You cannot leave. I have no attachments to this city, not like you do. Therefore the choice is easy.”
Elisabeth thought about that for a moment. He was right. It was going to be awkward if he stayed. And she didn’t want to see him in pain, so if that meant not to see him… She was still going to miss him.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Well I’ll be at the SGC, so if you would like to send a message”
“I’d like that.”
There was an awkward silence.
“When are you leaving?”
“Tonight.”
“So soon, I was hoping …”
“The sooner I leave, the sooner you can make it right with Colonel Sheppard. And don’t worry. Perhaps everyone here on base knows about you two; no one in the SGC will learn this from me.”
“Thank you.”
“Good bye Elisabeth.”
She could only smile weakly before he turned and walked out of her office to get packed. She felt bad that he left, worse that it was because of her. But a part of her also felt relieved. Relieved that now things with John could get back to how they were suppose to be. She only hoped that he wanted it as well.
After seeing Simon off, she was now very much behind on reports that needed to be read.
After half an hour she felt a presence standing in front of her and she nearly dropped the report she was reading.
“John?”
“Simon’s back on earth?”
“Yeah, just. He said the two of you talked before this morning?”
“Yeah, he came to me.”
Not knowing if she even had a right to ask, she boldly tried, “And what’d he say?”
John looked at her for a moment and Elisabeth knew she shouldn’t have asked.
“He told me that he knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That from the moment he stepped through the gate you were someone else’s.”
“He’s right. John, I am so…”
“I don’t want any more apologies. Get up and come here.”
Without hesitation she did as told. Her eyes down to the floor as she stood in front of him.
She was completely surprised when he pulled her into a hug, but quickly recovered and held him tight in her arms.
“God, I missed you.”
She didn’t know how long they stood like that, but he pulled away from her slightly to look at her, his arms still on her back.
When he spoke his voice was calm, low and demanding and Elisabeth couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine.
“Don’t you ever do something like that again, do you hear me?” She nodded. “Because the next time you do, you will never see me again.”
“I won’t. I love you.”
“Good. You’re mine.” He stressed his statement by putting his hand on the back of her neck and squeezing lightly. “Mine alone.” Her eyes uncontrollably felt shut by the strange feeling his hand provoked, but before she could think about it, his mouth was on hers, his tongue demanding entrance in her mouth, which she eagerly granted.
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