Title: Secrets
Rating: PG-13
Categories: Fanfiction
Genres: Angst, Baby!fic, Drama, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: He walks like his father, talks like his father but does he know it?

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Previously......

John walked straight passed him, all this it meant nothing to him, he had wasted nearly 7 years of his life on a his child, to have it all end like this – nothing could ever change the way in which he felt at this moment. He had all those chances before hand to share with his son, all those things to experience as a father, which could never happen. John headed straight to his room and systematically began to destroy everything he owned from posters to his beloved guitar, smashing it on the walls, cutting it with scissors and shooting posters and pictures on the walls. Somewhere in the midst of all this he collapsed from sheer exhaustion onto his floor.

And Now............

John woke to the low murmur of the sea’s waves lashing against the city’s walls. His body ached all over from the crumpled position in which he had slept on the floor. Surrounding him was the mass of destruction that he had caused the night before – and then it all came flooding back to him.

The hundreds of faces of all the people he had ever hurt flashed before his eyes, despite all the other faces, those of Elizabeth and Joss remained glued to his mind. They were the ones he had hurt, let down the most. His little boy Joss, who he had failed in every way, who had been killed by part of his father’s everyday life; he was beginning to see how General O’Neill may have felt. But, this was not the same, this was not earth, he was in the lost city of Atlantis, not on earth. There must be something he could do with all the technology around – his son should’ve already been saved. Then it occurred to him, it was not the technology that could help him, if they had been able to use that they would’ve done it by now, but the people – the Ancients.

He stood up like a bolt of lightening had struck him, breaking into a run he sprinted through the corridors to the gateroom.

Up in the control room was one of John’s air force lieutenants.

‘Lieutenant,’ John shouted, the young man turned to face him.

‘Yes sir.’

‘Dial the gate for M6X472’ (the planet from epiphany)

The lieutenant seemed a little unsure, ‘does Dr. Weir know about this sir?’

John was becoming impatient and he saw the lieutenant radio for some help dealing with him, he seemed a little hesitant, ‘I’m sorry sir, but Dr. Weir doesn’t want anybody else out on missions at the moment.’

‘This is a direct order lieutenant, I am telling you to dial the gate!’

‘John?!’ Elizabeth was standing just inside the doorway to the gateroom, her face tired. He could hear an intake of breath from some of the staff; this it seemed was the first word she had said to anyone since hearing of her son’s loss.

‘I need to do this,’ he looked at her, ‘for me…..’ he trailed off.

‘I’ve already lost my son; I do not want to lose you as well. Please don’t do anything stupid?’ her eyes pleaded with him, but he would not, could not give in and he couldn’t explain either.

‘Dial the gate lieutenant,’ she said as she turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

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Determination in his stride, John stepped swiftly though the gate and didn’t look back as it shut down behind him. He made his way to the now empty village where he had spent 6 months living over 8 years before. Looking around he began to revoke old memories of his time here, whilst he was living with Teer and her brother Avrid. Standing in the centre of the village he began to call out her name.

‘Teer,’ John’s voice was continuous, ‘Teer!’

With no response, John sat down on the ground and continued to call her; he was not going to be moved until he had at least been acknowledged by her – she and her people at least owed him that, he had helped them to ascend. A woman’s voice broke his train of thought.

‘John,’ Teer said, she stood in front of him, not a tiny feature different from how he had known her before. He went to answer her, but she cut him short.

‘There is no need to tell me, I already know what happened and why you are here. I am very sorry, John, for the loss of your son, but there is nothing I can do.’

‘What?’ John was confused, ‘but, you’re an ancient, you ascended, you can do anything you want.’

John jumped to his feet and stared into her face, flinging his arms in the air around him. The expression on his face somewhere between grief and anger.

‘Theoretically,’ she paused, ‘I could bring him back.’ John’s face lit up, but fell at her next words.

‘But what would be the point? I have seen the life that you and Elizabeth gave him and I cannot be held responsible for bringing your child back into the life he had.’

John fell to his knees in front of her and looked up; his eyes begged her to help him with all the strength he had left. ‘Please Teer, I will do anything, I uh…. I will trade my life for his if I have to, if it is what it takes,’ he spoke with such conviction but Teer did not falter, though it seemed he had shocked even himself with his suggestion.

‘That’s almost exactly my point!’

John’s face was confused so she qualified herself.

‘Your son wants nothing more than a father in his life, his father; he wants you to be his father – he wants the one thing you claim you cannot offer him.’

The tears now flowed freely down John’s face as he realised what Teer was saying to him. ‘I….I want nothing more than to be his father, to be able to do father-son things with him,’ he choked out.

Completely unable to control his emotions John felt his body give way beneath his and he slumped to the floor. Teer reached out to him and lifted up his chin, kneeling down beside him she looked through the tears into his dark eyes.

‘Then go back to Atlantis and tell him!’

John looked at her in awe.

‘But, you have to be honest and open; in the long run it will hurt him even more to keep your secret to himself. The people of Atlantis will be there to support you, as will I.’
Teer pulled him up from the ground with her, ‘be honest with her as well!’

John nodded his head, so lost from words as Teer disappeared into a white light that seemed to envelope them both.

John opened his eyes again and found himself lying on the ground in the centre of the village. Memories of Teer’s words flooded back to him as he stood up and sprinted back to the gate.

His heart pounded in his chest as he stood in front of the gate, if Teer’s words were true then it meant he and Elizabeth would have another chance with Joss, a chance to be honest with him. However as the gate came to life his body was filled with nothing but fear, what happened if he went through and all of this had been in his head – everything would be as he had left it, Joss gone and his and Elizabeth’s lives most probably shattered.

As he stepped through the gate he prayed to anyone that was listening that Teer’s words were true. In a moment he stepped into the Atlantis gateroom, anticipation running wild through his veins.

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Looking up he could see a large amount of the Atlantis personnel crowded around the room, his mind stuck somewhere between the similarity of the day of Joss 1st birthday and the fatal previous day.

His eyes scanned the room for Elizabeth who was not in her normal position. They found her standing on the staircase, smiling brightly at him. She was smiling. John felt his heartbeat quicken; everyone was looking as if they were waiting for something to happen.

Out from behind Elizabeth stepped Joss – a very much ALIVE Joss!!!!!!

‘Dad! Dad!’ Joss shouted out to him.

John was overwhelmed with emotion; he felt his heart crushed into tiny pieces at Joss’ words. Bending down he picked Joss up and swung him around in the air in a tight hug. He had never felt as proud as he did at that moment, he and his son finally united in front of everyone, nothing had ever felt so right.

John stopped swinging his son and put him down as Elizabeth approached them. Placing Joss steady on his feet he found a pair of arms grab round his leg stopping him from moving. Elizabeth was giggling at the sight and reaching out to her, he pulled her against him and into his arms.

‘I love you,’ he whispered in her ear.

Without giving her a chance to answer him, he pulled her flat against his body and into a breathtaking kiss. When she didn’t resist the Atlantis personnel burst into applause around them, wolf whistling and cheering at them.

Pulling away she looked up at him and caressed his cheek.

‘I love you too!’

Prising Joss from his leg, John took the chance he had been waiting almost 7 years for, bending down onto one knee he spoke.

‘Elizabeth Weir, will you marry me?’

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A/N - fini hope all liked. please review, comments are love!!!!!!!
finally i would liek to thank teyla_emmagan for all her help with titles, chapters and for most importantly for beta-ing.