Title: Kidnapped!
Author: A.j.
Rating: PG
Notes: Um. Done as a first-line meme for Lyssie. I was drunk when I wrote this?

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"Did they teach you to lie like this?" His hands are rough on her face, callused fingers digging in hard. |This is a lesson!|, his body language shouts, and despite the pain large parts of her mind are laughing at this pitiful, pompous little man. "Your men taught you to lie and think so little of me that they just send *you*?"

The slap is unsurprising and not nearly as bad as some of the blows Teyla and Bates deal out in their weekly defense sessions. Elizabeth knows that she'll have a bruise, but it won't be a bad one. Annoying, but not important.

Why had she gone on this stupid mission again? She |never| went on missions. Oh, right. The Limmer only wanted to deal with 'the leader'. The next time that happened, she was sending Kavenaugh, galactic incident or not.

"Answer me, woman!"

Elizabeth blinked at him, expression carefully neutral. "No one taught me to lie, Gaben."

"Liar!"

"Get some new material, you little toad."

The man's complexion morphed from the current unappealing shade of red to something a little closer to purple. Elizabeth loosened her neck just in time for the next blow. This one rattled her teeth but didn't manage to approach the infamous first stick-fight lesson. Her face had been swollen for almost two weeks, and John hadn't talked to Teyla for almost a week after it had gone down. Silly man.

Still, she'd managed to catch her tooth on her lip, so when she looked up again she took great pride in spitting out a mouth of blood. Gaben was smirking.

"Be careful how you treat me, *Doctor Weir*." He crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels. He looked like a penguin. An ugly penguin. "From this day forward, I will be your god."

"Or, you know. Not." The voice behind Graben did not sound amused.

Elizabeth smiled beatifically and tried to ignore the blood welling out of her lip as said Major clocked Gaben over the head with the butt of his gun. The shorter man crumpled hard, but they ignored the hollow clunk as his head hit the floor. John didn't look happy.

"Hi, honey. You're early! He didn't even get to the 'kneel before me' bit. That's always my favorite."

"You just like to watch me bust in and hit people."

Hanging from the wall, her wrists aching slightly, Elizabeth just snickered. "It’s very manly. But really? I like to watch you bust in and look all cute in those pants."

Still frowning, John moved over and used his bowie knife on her wrists. It was all very manly and heroic. She told him so while sliding her arms around his neck. Her legs were all wobbly from being tied up and everything.

"Did they drug you?"

"Um, not that I know of, why?"

He tugged lightly on her ear and fanned her sides with his hands. She shivered a little, ticklish despite years of mental coaching. "You're being all huggy."

"Oh. Well, it's been a long week?" She batted her eyelashes at him and tried not to acknowledge just how good this felt.

Finally, he cracked a smile, dimples flashing before disappearing. "Well, then let's go home."

-fin-