No Guarantees


CATEGORY: mild angst. Sheppard/Weir friendship/UST.
SPOILERS: Siege 3, Intruder.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: In a job like theirs, there were no guarantees. She knew that as well as he did. Post-ep for Intruder.
DISCLAIMER: it's probably best that they're not mine. I'd screw it up.
ARCHIVE: likely anyone who wants it. Just ask so I can come visit.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: come on, what self-respecting John/Liz 'shipper didn't wait for her to call him on his promise to stop letting her think he was dead?

Written for Ro, 'cuz she asked nicely *cough*nagged*cough*. But she betaed, so she had to work for it either way.

**

John slowed as he stepped into the mess hall, empty save for a lone figure seated at the back of the room, staring out a window. He detoured to the self-serve coffee dispenser and poured himself a cup before heading for the only occupied table.

"So what's your excuse tonight?" he asked as he sat across from Elizabeth, who was cradling her mug in both hands. John gestured at the window. "You're surrounded by the ocean, so what are you doing up at this hour?"

Elizabeth smiled, somewhat sadly he thought. "Just couldn't sleep."

"Everything okay?"

She shrugged. "It's like you said before – we spent a year trying to get back to Earth but once we got there, everything was different. I wasn't expecting that." Her gaze broke from his, going back to the window, and she didn't say any more.

John had heard rumours that Elizabeth had gone to visit someone she'd left behind; if that were true, it seemed things hadn't gone very well. She didn't seem to want to talk about it, though, so he just nodded and kept quiet.

They sat silently for a long while, Elizabeth staring out the window and John trying not to be too obvious as he watched her. He estimated that it was a good ten minutes before either of them spoke, and he could practically see her effort to be more light-hearted.

"So, Lieutenant Colonel," she said, emphasizing his rank with a smile. "Burdens of command still keeping you up nights?"

That was actually pretty close to the truth – he'd just finished going through all of the reports Teyla had collected in their absence on the search for Ford – but he saw no reason to add to her problems tonight. Tomorrow would be soon enough to catch her up.

"I'm still on Daedalus time," he told her, which was plausible, if not the truth – the Daedalus had been several hours head of Atlantis time and it wasn't all that late onboard the ship.

Elizabeth seemed to accept his answer. "You know, you broke your promise," she said as she sat back in her seat, hands playing with her now-empty mug.

John blinked. "Excuse me?"

She continued watching her hands. "Back when the Wraith attacked Atlantis you said that we'd have to stop letting each other think we were dead. But when you and Rodney were out of contact on the X-302…." She trailed off, shaking her head. Her words were light but there was an edge to them that told John she was serious.

"Well, we were a little busy at the time," he defended, also half-joking, half-serious. He didn't know what she needed to hear from him. John had been a little flustered at the time he'd said that, surprised that she had hugged him so openly, and had said the first thing that popped into his head. In a job like his – in a situation like theirs – there were no guarantees. She knew that as well as he did.

Elizabeth smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I know." She sighed. "Just… stop almost dying on me, okay?"

It was a promise he couldn't make and they both knew it. "I'll try," was the best he could give her.

Her lips quirked up again, her smile looking more honest than any other he'd seen from her that night. "I'd appreciate that," she said, a variation of what she'd said to him almost two months ago, and it was his turn to smile.

John didn't even realize they were staring at each other until Elizabeth broke their gaze, and he also looked away, feeling embarrassed for reasons he wasn't willing to examine too closely just yet. He looked up again when she placed both hands on the table and pushed back her chair. "I think I'm ready to call it a night," she said as she stood, and John rose as well. "I'll see you in the morning."

There was a rarely seen softness about her that made John reach out and squeeze her shoulder briefly. "Sleep well, Elizabeth."

He watched as she took her empty mug to the kitchen before she went to the mess hall doors, where she paused to look back at him before she disappeared into the hall.

Once she was out of sight, John picked up his own mug and went for a refill before sitting in the seat Elizabeth had so recently vacated, so he could look out the window. Even with the low light in the room, only the brightest stars were visible, and it was strange how they now felt almost more familiar to him than the constellations he'd grown up with on Earth. It was hard to believe how much could change in a year.

John stood abruptly, his chair squeaking loudly in protest. He'd thought he wanted to be alone but now that Elizabeth had left, he realized he needed company. Taking his coffee with him, John headed for the control room for what he expected would be a long and sleepless night.

--end--