Funny well done. Keep writing.
I love Carson an Rodney in this.
Author's Response: Thankyou!!
Mmmm.. Okay, a beta is a person who say 'proof-reads' your work and fixes up grammatical mistakes and such. Although, "John" is a noun (since it is a person, place or thing) so... why is there no Capital J to show?
And the last bit with Elizabeth waking up and John being at her door is kind of.. convenient? A bit too fast paced so it seems. Or is this a double-dream? And, with your sentences take a pause with commas, lol. Anyways on a good comment: You're doing good. Is there anymore to come? *salute*
Author's Response: Thankyou for reviewing my story your comments have helped so much. I see what you mean by fast paced it always seems longer as your writing it lol. Yes there is more to come.
Okayy.. First note: Good to see that you have brushed up on your english skills. The whole punctuation and grammar, but you still need to fix up the small spots. When you use speech marks it works like this: "This is the proper way," or you can use the single mark, 'This is the alternative way.'
- Small things make the biggest differences. I'm gonna keep my eye out for you, until this becomes a top-notch story. Nothing to worry about lol. You have the ideas, but I'm guessing you feel as though you cannot get it all onto paper? If so then I feel the same way. I would recommend a beta for you. Ask around, someone might be willing? *salute*
Author's Response: Thankyou so much for your help. question this may seem silly but what is a beta ?. and thank you again for your reviews and help.
I really like the humor. Just clean the spelling and grammar, and it will be a nice story.
Mmm.. You need a beta. The plot is good. Wording is alright. Punctuation/Grammar, not so good. Full stops, capital letters, commas, speech marks, correct spelling, you get the picture, eh? Yeah, if that was all fixed up then this would be a top-notch story. =) Fix it up, hun. *salute*
Ooooohhhh kicked in the balls! Sheppard is going to be sore for a week LOL! Nice story. Needs proofreading though.
Author's Response: thank you !