This was a very entertaining story. Had me smiling all the way through. Loved how they go so busted, by those scratches on John's back.
One thing I have to correct you at:
It is "Ronon" and not "Ronan." (Just thought you'd like to know.)
Okay.. The plot was great, a nice sense of creativity. Now.. what would have made this a really GOOD story, is if you used more human reactions and responses, not to mention GRAMMAR and PUNCTUATION. I can tell your really trying, and I commend you for that. But seriously: FULL STOPS. Reading: -Ronan just laughed, “Oh C’mon Sheppard, just admit it”- Really disturbs me. Please add full stops to the end of your sentences. Have you thought of getting a beta? I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't mind correcting you and helping you along. Anyway, to end my CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, very well done, except for the teeny-tiny errors. 7/10 =)
Author's Response: Thanks, Yeah i know what you mean, i really have trouble with Grammar and Punctuation, i think i will get a beta, i probably should have got one a while ago and im not too sure why i didnt so yeah i think i will :)